How to be approachable…even when you’re walking your dog.

Aug 28, 2010 by     No Comments    Posted under: Girls Ministry

Last night I was walking my dog quickly to his “spot” and I saw two teenaged girls that I didn’t know walking back from their trek to the Sonic that is located near our neighborhood. I looked intently to see if they were girls that attended our church and also lived in my neighborhood but I didn’t recognize them.  However, I smiled and gave a nod as they were intersecting with the path of my dog and I.  They giggled at my dog Diesel and I then one stopped dead in her tracks to ask me, “Does this look weird with me holding two large drinks in my hands”?  She really wanted to know what I thought about her.  I told her, “Um no. It just looks like you’re thirsty.”  She laughed and relaxed as she rolled her eyes and said “I am—and I love Vanilla Coke!”  I waved and said something to let her know I’m glad.  As I went upstairs, I started thinking—why did that interaction happen.  I don’t even know those girls and yet, they are openly starting dialogue with me.  And then it hit me—-I think it’s because I saw them first and was acknowledging them.

It was such a little gesture but something in my body language made me appear open for conversation. I’ve been realizing that there are things I can do to create an atmosphere for an engaging conversation wherever I go.  I’ve also gotten into the habit of taking mental notes like a detective to determine social cues.  I’m going to share some of those with you and hopefully they will allow you to find yourself having random conversations with people that intersect with your path.

1. Look for shared experiences in the moment.

I was able to have a complete traveling group made of strangers because we were sitting on the tarmac for an obscene amount of time.  We were all frustrated but I chose to break the silence by asking a question regarding the time.  As a result, I made friends with 4 ladies sitting around me.

2. Create a door or a window that opens the “wall of silence”.

So you walk up to a group of girls and they stop talking. What’s your door? What’s your window that will get that group of girls open to talking with you?

Once I was sitting alone at a musical and a group of girls came sitting down by me.  After a few minutes I simply asked: “Excuse me I’m here to see one of the girls from our church in this musical, but I don’t know a thing about this play.  Can you help me know what this is all about?

3. Body language is saying a lot:

Make sure you are looking at people in the eyes as they pass you.  Smile at women and say hello.  It will amaze you at how little things like this make the unlikeliest people come and say something that will strike up a conversation.

What are some things you do to make yourself approachable?

Girls Minister on The Road Episode: We’re talking Boundaries!

Aug 13, 2010 by     1 Comment     Posted under: Featured, Girls Ministry, Videos, webisodes

Why the words”me too” are powerful words in a girls ministry

Aug 10, 2010 by     No Comments    Posted under: Featured, Girls Ministry

The following post was first posted as a featured article at Youthministry360.com. I’m excited to be a contributer to this new site. Check out their blog and make sure you check out their resources. Andy Blanks and his team are great people who have a great heart for doing youth ministry full circle. “Youth ministry, full circle” is youthministry360’s way of meeting the needs of youth workers. They offer tools for training, networking, community, and bible study resources. Thanks for letting me re-post here on girlsminister.com.

This summer I have had the opportunity to have a lot of conversations with girls, moms, and leaders. I had conversations by the pool, in our bunkhouse, in different countries, and as we ministered together in the inner city of Chicago. Over and over again in those conversations, I heard two words. These two words are not flowery. In fact, they’re pretty normal. Yet, I found them to be powerful evidence of the community created when we do ministry together.

The two words? “Me, too.”

These two words came about because of connection, and yet, they created a connection . . . a very powerful one. The beginning of the conversation was rarely the same. But somewhere along the way, as trust and intimacy developed, the conversation always seemed to go below merely surface level discussion. Before I knew it, a teen girl would share deeply of a wound, a struggle, a dream, or a victory. Just like that, it was out, hanging in the air for all to see and feel, this deep part of her lingering before the group. Sometimes I wondered how it would be received. But then a beautiful thing would happen. Without warning a girl or two would respond:

“Me, too!”

And where a girl was isolated and vulnerable in her transparency, suddenly a companionship was formed between these girls who had shared a similar experience. We were better for being a part of it because before our very eyes we saw evidence of community.

In ministry to girls there is oftentimes division or separation between different age groups. it’s understandable, to some extent. But there doesn’t always have to be. Ephesians 4:4-6 says this:

There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called—one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

It’s such a blessing to me as a girls minister to know that God’s design is for our relationships to be permeated with “oneness.” One of the most powerful things you can do as you minister to students (whether girls or boys) is to provide moments for students of all ages to share with one another. It’s in those times that the words, “me, too” will be spoken. And “me, too” almost always leads to brothers and sisters in Christ encouraging each other to keep going. “Me, too” let’s students know they are not alone in their journey.

How do we as youth workers provide these moments? Here are just a few ways I have seen “me, too” opportunities happen within our ministry:

A Parent Life-group: While our girls are in their small groups, we invite the moms to journey together and get to know each other. Regardless if you’re a girls minister or the leader of 7-12 grade mixed gender classes, making time for your parents to get to know one another does wonders to build community.
A Girls’ Retreat: We have a “girls only” discipleship retreat called Snowball that happens every winter. It’s during this time that some amazing conversations happen in the margins of the weekend. Again, whether or not you can do these types of separate events or not, making time during your retreats for times of personal sharing develops strong bonds of community within your group.
A Mission Trip for Girls: I have had the opportunity to be a part of several as a teen girl, and I have led one all girls mission experience. It was an amazing moment to spend with the girls and leaders without the distraction of boys! It was beautiful to see the girls plan and lead the entire experience.
These are just a few of the opportunities I have seen God use to create some “me, too” moments within our girls ministry. What about you? How have you seen some “me, too” moments happen in your life or among your students and parents?