Girls Retreat 2012: Whatever is true/ think on these things!
Posted under: This weekend at Snowball (our girls retreat) we will be looking at Phil. 4:8-9 and what we should be thinking on. So often we as girls/women allow the meditations of our hearts to be something other than “whatever is true, noble, praise worthy, excellent…” and there are consequences when we begin to let those meditations of our heart rule our mind and our actions. When we put together the event for our girls, I always recruit the help of a team of girls and women to pull all the details together. Some of the girls wanted to use I AM statements that are based on scriptural truths they can think on throughout the weekend. These statements will be blown up and used as backdrops during our worship times. I was so pleased with our communications team for making these for us, that I thought I could share them with you. Here are the 9 statements we are using…Enjoy. We will be tweeting updates from the weekend with the tag #Snowball2012 if you want to follow along. If you think of us, say a prayer for all that will be going on.
5 ways to help wean students from a cell phone addiction.
(originally published on Oct 2, 2009 but revised and updated on December 2, 2011)
I heard it said recently that cellphones have become the electronic pacifier of the 21st century. Wow! Yes…that is true. We have students that cannot be without their cell phone. As a girls minister, we have seen this to be a problem not just for our teens but for our parents as well. Sometimes parents are the ones who are wanting their child to have a cell phone so that they can talk with them at an event. We’ve seen unfortunate distractions happen because cell phones were carelessly used at an event by a student who couldn’t stay away from it. Ironically when boundaries are placed on using the cellphone at events or on mission trips, some students express thanks for the break of being “available 24-7″. But there are other layers to this constant need for connection. We have become a society that cannot hit pause…not even in the car. And literally we are seeing a collision occur when people put their need for cell phone connection and/or production above the safety of themselves and others as people continue to maintain constant communication even while they are driving. It’s becoming an addiction, although Texting Queen Emilee Cox might not say it’s an addiction with her 35,463 Texts In 30 Days.
So what are we going to do about it? Here are a few of my ideas to help wean students from a cell phone addiction.
1. While on our mission experiences, we have told students they can’t have their cellphones except during certain breaks. To ensure that their cellphone is charged and checked in, we created these charging tubs. Their name is written in sharpie on a strip of duct tape, and using a dry erase marker, we can check in their phone after each break. We’ve had students thank us for doing this because it allowed them to truly be present when they needed to be present.
2. During small groups, have a “cell phone condo”—-A box that states: “Where Your Cell Phone Lives During small groups.” You could also just have a cell phone bucket placed in the middle of the room and have students place their cell phones in there during small groups.
3. Have your students fill out a cell phone covenant with you. It could look something like this:
I understand that it is possible to make my cell phone an idol or that it may become an addiction for me. I understand that an “addiction is when we’re seeking to find something that only God can provide in something besides God Himself.” (as stated by Craig Groeschel, life church tv) In order to not let this take place in my life, I will agree to a cell phone sabbath where I make the choice to detach myself from my phone once a week.
I will seek to have a cell phone sabbath hour every day during the hours of_________ to ___________.
I will leave my phone outside of my bedroom each night so that I can truly rest and not get caught up in any activity or conversation I might find myself in late at night or early in the morning if it were accessible.
Please keep me accountable to this agreement and ask how I am doing on a regular basis.
I’ve posted another cellphone contract that you can get ideas from here: Cell Phone Contract 2
4. If you are a parent, you may want to consider getting an app that restricts texting while driving. Here are some options:
5. Let’s not forget that modeling cell phone habits is teaching our students and children much more than we may think. I had a student tell me she thought I was using my phone more than I should. She challenged me to not use my phone for 24 hours and she would tell as many people she could about Jesus if I took the challenge. It was a win win for everyone. I took the challenge, and I learned a little about my own cell phone habits. 
I’m sure there are several other things we can do. What have you tried, tested, rejected, and celebrated regarding helping wean students from the cellphone addictive habits? Leave a comment or drop me a line at: girlsminister@gmail.com
DIGITAL Boundaries: how they help in loving your teenaged daughter
Judges 17:6
This was before kings ruled Israel, so all the Israelites did whatever they thought was right .(originally published on January 7, 2011. Reposted with extra links)
I was reading this passage today and recognized that for many of us, we know a “little princess” who lives this out on a day by day basis. Just like the society that Judges was chronicling, girls that we know choose to live their lives doing whatever they want to do and labeling it as “RIGHT”.
So here are some basics you can do to help your daughter have healthy digital boundaries set by your family, so that there is not a temptation for your daughter to “do whatever they think is right” online. You need to be having conversations about technology and tv instead of simply BANNING it. When your student moves out of the house, they need to determine what their digital boundaries are. One of mine is that I don’t post on facebook walls past a certain hour. So read on about some basics, and then work with your family to see what boundaries you need to have. You are preparing them for the future with these conversations, because I guarantee that they are not thinking about how their digital presence is connected to their physical presence. So read on and see if any of these may work for you.
1. Stop believing the lie that if you set boundaries, they’ll just do whatever they want anyway. I know several families, mine included, that lovingly set boundaries because they know their teen has a prefrontal cortex that is not fully developed until they are 25. We would think it’s absurd to let a baby or a toddler to decide what to do with their day, or where to go. Why do some people believe that teenagers should be different with having age specific boundaries?
Our middle school minister has triplets that are 1 and a precious little girl named Harper who is 3. This past week, Mary Lindsey (our middle school minister’s wife and a good friend of mine) came with the whole clan to let them get some excercise and for her to get a couple of things done. We each took a child and walked with them around the church. There were several times when I noticed my particular triplet moving toward a place they didn’t need to be going or putting something in their mouth that didn’t need to be there. So I would tell them “no” and move them back into the boundaries they were allowed to run in. Just like toddlers need boundaries to grow healthy and even to know they are loved, teenagers need boundaries as well. Here are some that I have seen my parents and other families institute in their homes with great success.
1. Practice a no technology boundary at dinner. That time is family time and so you as much as your children, need to turn off technology and truly begin having conversations with each other.
2. Keep your computers in a family central area. Work with your daughter in creating this family space.
Explain that this computer family area not only encourages public accountability for her, but also for the rest of the family.
3. Work with your daughter to establish “cell phone check-in station” . When cellphones start coming into the life of your teenager, oftentimes they may find themselves tempted to say or do things with their phone that they shouldn’t be doing. These things typically happen late at night. Example: SEXTING, addictive night texting, One family I know picks an hour and checks in the phones of their children in the evening. This policy is so their children are not alone with their cell phones having conversations in bed late at night with people they would never let into their physical room at that late of an hour.
4. Agree with your student to set some facebook profile rules that work both ways.
As a parent,there are some rules you need to have for yourself as well as your daughter. For example,do not post on their wall every week and comment on all of their friends comments. The fact that they are letting you into their social network is great. Do not abuse that. Instead, work with them to agree on how you will interact with each other on facebook. Use the private message feature. Help them understand that they do not need to put their cell phone on their page. There are so many conversations you need to have your daughter to agree with how you interact with your her and how they interact with their social network world as well.
5. Bring prayer into their digital boundaries. Pray each day that they are being wise and seeking to make God known rather than being self-absorbed on faebook. Message them a prayer each week through their facebook email or text them a prayer. Help them to celebrate technology and not just condemning it. Technology is not bad by itself, but when it is placed in our hands we can move it into a bad tool or a good tool. Talk with your daughters about this concept as well.
Check out our other article with 5 specific ways to wean your teen off their cellphone
These are just a few thoughts that I have seen work with Digital boundaries in the home. This is not exhaustive and they can always improve. Each family has different habits and personalities so we recognize that some of these boundaries may not work in your home but another will. Please share below regarding some digital boundaries you may already use or have seen others use.
Connection algorithm for helping girls belong
Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Connection Algorithm like Sheldon’s that would help you connect a girl to the student ministry or a girls lifegroup?
I remember the first day on the job as a girlsminister. Such an algorithm would have been very handy. It was our fall retreat! I was surrounded by cliques of girls and I couldn’t figure out how to get inside of one of those circles. They all seemed to be looking at me—the new girl—and sizing me up. Didn’t they realize I was an adult and the girls minister?! I think I thought there would be instant connection like there was when I worked summers at the large Christian camps. Just because I was camp staffer, I often had students come up and start talking with me about some pretty heavy things. But, this was not how it was on my first day on the job. There were some sweet people that tried to come over and introduce themselves but mostly it was cliques. My go to entry line was, “Hey do you guys know where I could get a soda?” and then when the conversation tanked, I’d say, “wow better go look for that soda.” Then on Sundays and Wednesdays there was the hallway that I renamed “The Gauntlet”. It was a horrible hallway because you had to walk down it to get into the sunday school room and lining every square inch of wallspace were groups of girls that weren’t talking to me but to each other. Very intimidating! I’m very thankful for the gauntlet and for that first fall retreat because it reminds me of what it feels like to be new in our student ministry. It’s scary!
That’s why I worked with some leaders and girls over the years to have a algorithm of sorts or a strategy to receive new girls into our student ministry. The idea is the 1-2-3 CLICK! method. Now understand that we don’t just go around saying “hey new girl…this is how we’re going to get you connected in three clicks.” This is just something that I have used to explain to students or leaders to help them understand how to continue reaching out to new people that have been introduced to our student ministry.
Here’s the basic premise:
1. Meet a girl who is unconnected and introduce her to her peer group.
2. Take her to coffee or introduce her to a peer or leader which will take her to coffee to get to know her.
3. Get her connected to a lifegroup of girls who have hung out with her or introduce her to a relationship building catalyst like our Snowball Girls Retreat. AND CLICK! She’s in.
I have observed that typically after 3 intentional relationship connections from you the leader—to a healthy peer group—and then to a bonding event or small group with that healthy peer group, the student will click into a place they feel welcomed and known within your student ministry.
As we have grown through the years, it has become imperative to utilize volunteers like our Chris and Debbie who are not only lifegroup leaders on Wednesdays, but also are moms that have journeyed through our student ministry alongside their students. They are the faces on Sunday AM when we have girls walk up to the check-in table to get connected. On Wednesdays we use our amazing ministry assistants Carol and Julia to connect girls to lifegroups and introduce them to a peer that will “show them the way” for the evening.
In addition to that, we have begun having a SOUP N’ STUDY at my home on Tuesday evenings. Surprisingly many girls that would not walk into the big student group have shown up at my home to meet girls in a smaller context. That may be something you could add to your connection plan as well.
How do you get girls connected and help them feel safe, loved and known in your student ministry?
Hacked. Dealing with The Dark Side
A couple of weeks ago, girlsminister.com experienced a hacker breaking into the site. Thankfully, I was in the site when the break-in occurred which allowed me to work with my IT guy, (also known as my husband) to regain control of my site. Thankfully when we got back into the site, we found that all of my content was still active. However, it had all been moved into the trash can. Most of my photos that accompany each article had been deleted, but we were able to save all the posts. Unfortunately, it has been a tedious clean-up job. I am thankful that we were able to save the site, but I wanted to inform you why some articles are missing pictures and appear broken. It was a weird feeling to have someone working behind the scenes to sabotage the site. It has been a reminder that in our ministry to girls and families, we are up against a much more dangerous hacker who regularly is setting up schemes and trying to hack his way into our everyday stories. So today, be on guard. When you least expect it—the deceiver shows up. Go to this article for ways that Satan tries to hack us and our ministry to girls and families: The Deceiver
As for us, we’ll keep updating and renovating the site until it’s back to it’s old self.
losing the self in self-esteem
The following is a guest post I did for my pastor’s blog, “truthful conversations”. I’ve included the first part of the post here, and then if you want to read the rest, the link is provided. This is really something that I continue to battle against in girls ministry. What about you? Share your thoughts below.
As a girls minister, self-esteem and body image are areas I see girls and women struggle with on a regular basis. As I was preparing to write today’s post, I thought a lot about how the world chooses to battle those topics and how the church does. Unfortunately, if we’re not careful, we may be sounding a lot like the world when it comes to talking with our girls about their self-esteem and body image.
For example, the overwhelming way that I hear women talk with women about their value is to remind them that they are princesses, and girls and women eat it up! “Once upon a time…” Those words often cue girls of all ages to settle in for a fairy tale. Girls love a princess story! If you don’t believe me, just think back to all the news frenzy fascinated with the recent Royal wedding that just happened. It may seem like a logical step and even appropriate to discuss our spiritual heritage as daughters of the King, but unfortunately we have allowed our mentoring with girls and women to become bedazzled with tiara talk so much that we’re losing the story of who we are in Christ.
To read what it is that we NEED to be sharing with our girls regarding their self-esteem, Click here for the rest of the article.
Why we’re doing a Soup n Study
Tomorrow night, I will be opening up my home to 6-12th grade girls and women leaders for a new thing we are calling a SOUP n STUDY. CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FACEBOOK GROUP BRENTWOOD BAPTIST GIRLS AND QUALITY WOMEN:)
The premise is simple: Come each week for a different soup, a different leader who will be teaching the bible study, and different collections of quality women and girls for a community group.
The reason is because after years of having successful small groups of girls, we’re finding some needs arising for the girls to “mix n’ match” with different women and girls of all ages. We’ve tried to do this at our catalyst events, and we’ve seen it happen best on mission trips, but there still has been a murmuring among our girls to “get to know other girls and leaders”. I couldn’t be more excited! It’s a pretty easy thing to put together really. Every week just assign someone to be responsible for bringing the soup. This week it’s me.
I’m doing my favorite comfort soup. Homemade Tomato Soup and grilled cheese triangles.
Then each week, put out an all call for quality women (background checked and spiritually healthy) in your church to come and hang out. I’ve made it clear that there’s no obligation to come every week, but this would be a great opportunity for them to come and get to know girls and let the girls get to know them. Then secure someone who will be leading the bible study for the week. We’ll see how this goes for September and October. I’ll keep you posted about things we’ve learned. Perhaps this is something your girls ministry has been needing, or perhaps you’ve been doing something like this, but need to incorporate small groups. One thing I know…I’m always learning and I’m open to trying new things. We’ll see how God uses our Soup n Study.
Here’s the recipe I’m using for tomorrow. The picture above is what it looks like in the beginning. I got up early this morning to put it in the crockpot for a trial run. My kitchen smells AH-MAZING currently. Can’t wait to try it out tonight.
Fresh Tomato Soup (Crockpot) Recipe submitted by: CDK Recipe Exchange Jenifer Milton jenifersrecipes
yields 4
8 medium tomatoes
1 medium onion — chopped
2 carrots — peeled and thinly sliced
1 garlic clove — crushed
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
3 cups chicken broth or bouillon
Drop tomatoes in a pan of boiling water for 15 to 20 seconds; immediately rinse with cold water. Remove skins. Cut in half crosswise; squeeze out and discard seeds.
Combine in slow-cooker with onions, carrots, garlic, brown sugar, basil, parsley, worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper and broth (or bouillon). Cover and cook on LOW 5 to 6 hours or until vegetables are very soft. Puree in blender or food processor fitted with metal blade. Serve in individual bowls.
Momentum vs stepping stones…
Definition of momentum: the impetus and driving force gained by the development of a process or course of events.
Our pastor just celebrated 20 years of ministry at the same church this past Sunday. It was a blessing to share in the story that celebrated his consistent ministry at the same place. It made me look back on the journey that God has been taking me on so far. In October I will begin year 10 of serving as girls minister at Brentwood Baptist. I had no idea that I would still be here at Brentwood Baptist almost 10 years after I started. I’m so glad that I’ve been able to see what girls ministry looks like at the same place for this many years. I can only imagine the momentum that people like my pastor can experience as they’ve journeyed with our congregation for 20 years! For those of you that have just peeled into your first days, months, or years of working with girls whether in a ministerial role, director role, or volunteer role, I wanted to share some things that I’ve learned in hopes that it will be an encouragement for you.
1. There will be hard days.
That may not seem encouraging but hopefully it reminds you that you are not alone in this journey. Ministry to girls and their families can be hard. If you heard that it’s all about drinking coffee and being the coolest person in the lives of teenaged girls—well someone gave you the wrong job description. Those tough times may come with girls, with parents, with volunteers, with your staff, or even with yourself—but they do not last.
2. Develop a prayer team
Make sure you have a group of people that you trust to truly pray for you. Pick a few from your church, but choose people that know you apart from the ministry. It allows you to share things that you may be required to be guarded about (not confidential items with students or families, but regarding your struggles and pains).
3. Have a mentor.
Always be willing to learn. I have known people that have asked me to mentor them, but when it came down to it, they were not very teachable. Continue to learn as you journey down this road of girls ministry. I’m still learning tons so trust me, you don’t know it all.
4. Stop looking around at what other people are doing.
I know it gets distracting and you hear that so and so just had this cool gig or this girls minister just got asked to do this, but you are not called to be them at their place of ministry. God is at work in you where you are, so be present there. You’ll miss you’re own story if you’re not careful.
5. Boundaries.
Make sure you have boundaries in place so that you are able to be refilled and away from girls ministry sometime during the week. This is important to your health but also it is a weekly reminder that the world keeps spinning without you.
6.Keep thirsting for God’s word for yourself.
Don’t just be a straw that transfers God’s truth to another. Make sure you are soaking up God’s word for yourself.
7.Take a spiritual prayer retreat on regular basis
Our pastor has made it mandatory that our ministers take spiritual prayer retreats regularly. He recognizes the necessity of such days in the life of those who give their lives away daily. You need to have days where you don’t work on girls ministry. Days where you don’t meet with people. Days when you only spend completely in communion with God. Sometimes we can trick ourselves into thinking our value and identity comes from what we do and not from whose child we are. It’s such an important time, and ironically it’s a day that often gets neglected if it’s not scheduled.
8. Begin to look at your place in ministry as a crockpot, not a microwave.
So often, we want to see results now. But what if I told you that serving alongside the same people for a considerable time brings richness that you would never know if you just zapped the experience with a microwave. Sometimes we are looking for the next big thing and we’ve been taught that bigger is better or “moving up” is the best thing. Sometimes you may be called to “stay” in a place for a long while and if that’s the case, let me assure you that there is a momentum that occurs when you are willing to say no to stepping stones, and yes to digging roots. Some people don’t have this calling, but if you do—-it will be worth the wait.
I’m sure there are so many other things I could share that I’ve learned, but those are top of mind tonight. I’m excited to see what happens as I continue to journey with these girls and their families over the next several years. I continue to learn new things on this journey. For example, we just found out we’re expecting! So I soon will be able to minister as a mom and I’m delighted to see how having my own child adds a richness to the ministry God has called me to. Should be a fun beginning to a new decade! What about you? What encouragement do you have for those who are just beginning this journey?
Daughters and dating: What influence can you have?
It’s still got some great lessons in there for both teens and parents.
If your daughter is already dating and you haven’t done some of the foundation work, don’t give up. If you are a parent, take time to interact with the dates your daughter is having. Make it required for her dates to spend a dinner or time with the family so that you can get to know the person who is influencing your daughter’s life. Ensure that their character and spiritual pursuits line up with those that you have for your daughter. I have had many a conversation with a parent that is disappointed with their daughter’s choice to date a non-believer. I wonder what conversations happened before that daughter began dating that helped her know what to look for in a guy. Thankfully my mother began having those conversations with me early on. She let me know that she prayed for my future spouse. Hearing that my mom was praying for my future spouse made me want to do the same thing at an early age. I am so thankful that she did that because I can see those prayers answered in the person I married today. Make plans to pray for your daughter audibly about the people who will influence her heart. Tell her what things you are looking for in a guy for her way before she meets a “lloyd” who knows he only wants to “hang with your daughter.”
Girls Ministry case study #1: What should you do?
This past week I had a great conversation with a mom regarding her daughter. Even though I had not talked with this mom before regarding this particular situation, the conversation itself is one I’ve had several times before with different moms. I thought it might be helpful to walk you through a case study of this popular conversation.
The conversation may contain this phrase:
My daughter doesn’t want to go to ___________________
(a) church
(b) her small group
(c) the retreat or event
So what do you do as a girls minister/ volunteer?
Ask this question:
Have you noticed any changes in her relationships?
Are there any girls that she used to hang out with and now she doesn’t?
Has she mentioned any experiences that may have caused her to feel less confident?
If they answer yes to any of the above questions, then it’s possible that she has had a friendship hierachy tornado hit her life. It’s a part of girl world life. If she hasn’t had it happen yet, it’s probably coming.
What’s a hierachy? The definition is as follows: A hierarchy (Greek: hierarchia from hierarches, “leader of sacred rites”) is an arrangement of items (objects, names, values, categories, etc.) in which the items are represented as being “above,” “below,” or “at the same level as” one another.
So what does this mean in girl world? It means that what was at the same level as the girl has either become more important or less important. Or the girl herself has dropped or risen in the hiearchy herself.
When I was in middle school, I had a group of nine girl friends. We would sit together at lunch and always attend every social gathering together as a clump. But if you dug deep enough you would realize that there was a hierachy even in our clump. And sometimes I came home from school excited because I was in the “inner circle”, and other times I came home discouraged because it was my turn to be the odd girl out. My mom says it was like clockwork when it was my turn to be out of the inner loop. I didn’t see it, but she did. My mom did a great job of not meddling but calling out things in my friends that she thought were good, and when I got hurt or treated poorly, she would ask “do you think that was something you deserved or were they being a good friend to do that to you?”. We had good talks, albeit the length and depth of the conversation were in my hands when it came to talking about friends. But when I was ready to talk, mom was always there.
So what can you do as a girls minister to help moms that come to you with concerns regarding their daughter not wanting to come to church?
Share with the mom that in this GSI (Girlworld Scene Investigation—what? Too cheesy?! Sorry) you both may need to observe her daughter and ask some key questions to begin to determine the cause behind her change in wanting to be at church.
1. Encourage her to encourage her daughter to keep attending. This is one of the big battles she needs to fight. If this isn’t solved, it’s possible that she will not see church as a welcoming place in the future. It will be painful to tell her daughter she has to go somewhere she doesn’t feel comfortable but this is a prime opportunity for you as girls minister to ease this situation. Offer to the mom to meet the daughter for a coke or coffee talk to “get to know her” or “catch up”. See if the daughter will share with you regarding why she is not wanting to go to church anymore. If there is another group of girls you can introduce her to than the previous group she may have been hanging out with, it may help her feel more open to trying church again. I have found that forcing girls to “work it out” has not been very successful. But creating some new friendship opportunities often times can help out greatly.
2. Ask the mother to ask her daughter what it would take to get her to feel more positive about attending?
Would a friend buffer be an option? (A friend buffer is someone that is a neutral friend who comes to an event to secure that the girl will not be alone) PS don’t use the term friend buffer as this is not a recognized term but merely one that I’ve made up for our use behind the scenes of girls ministry.
3. Encourage the mom to pray for her daughter during this difficult time. She may not be able to find out what’s actually going on, but God is fully aware and is able to work in her heart and the heart of others unlike girls ministers, moms, and volunteers.
These are just some starter options that I would offer if this case scenario were to appear on my doorstep. What about you? What else would you do in this situation?
- Girardier 2.0 update: we're having a boy! Technology was so good we could even see black rimmed glasses and converse shoes:). #fb
- RT @mikeglenn: New Post by @amyjogirardier - girls minister of @brentwoodbc on Self Esteem - http://ow.ly/6IErg #truthfulconversations
- Proud of the students I prayed with this morning at their school flagpole. Now I'm moving to breakfast. See you at the Puffy Muffin;).
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