In 2015, I had a huge awakening in my call to ministry. I remember the story vividly. I had the worst leadership meeting for our girls retreat that I had ever had.

I thought it meant that I was too old to be a girls minister.

I thought it meant that I was supposed to quit.

And in the midst of my tears and yelling at God, I felt a peaceful whisper in my heart. It was so unlike any other emotion I was having at the moment that it startled me.

The whisper was just this question: “What generation are they?”

I responded: They are millenials. I’m sure of it. What’s that have to do with anything?!

The question haunted me and I began deep research. I couldn’t find anything except for this researcher from Australia named Mark McCrindle. He was the first I had heard say that the generation that I was supposed to be leading were not Millennials but in fact, Generation Z.

The Lord used the next weeks and months to help me discover this new generation that had been in our student ministry for quite awhile. What He taught me about them re-affirmed my calling to ministry to students at this particular season.

Now, a new generation is about to come into our student ministries and I do not want to be caught off guard. And no matter where you are in Church leadership, you need to discover as much as you can about this generation as well, because they will shape the future.

I sat in on a webinar by Mark McCrindle Research over Christmas break in regards to Gen Alpha. I am so thankful I did!

One of the takeaways was what he said in regards to what the pandemic has done for this generation as well as all of us.

“It has decoupled work from location.

It has decoupled services from location. (Shopping/Food,etc)

It has decoupled learning from location.”

Now, this generation experiencing the pandemic during their formative years will not just be impacted by the pandemic, they will be formed by it.

McCrindle shared some positive ways that will show up and of course we can see some negative ways as well.

As the church, when I hear that, I wonder how the pandemic has impacted their faith. The Church was never intended to be “a building”, and yet the emotions and frustration by older generations of trying to gather in the building is surely making an impact on Gen Alpha.

How do we help Gen Alpha understand that Church being decoupled from a building is not any different than what Jesus had in mind?

How do we help Gen Alpha know that the Church is a body and that body has a mission?

Here is a quick tip sheet I put together from some information I resourced from McCrindle. Check out their blog and geek out over all the infographics on Gen Z to Gen Alpha. It’s fascinating!

And for the record, I’m excited about what God has in store for the Church as Gen Alpha comes to know their identity, significance and purpose in Christ!

As all of us have scrambled as the Church has been scattered to gather online, we have been trying to establish new patterns, rules, and habits as we start using things like Zoom instead of what used to be actual rooms.

I created some infographic tutorials for our student ministry and have had several ask if they could use them and contextualize them for their ministries. So I have just templated them for your use. Hope that you can use them to help in these days.

• How to Host a Zoom Call as a Lifegroup Leader
• A Guide to connecting with your Small Group in a Zoom Call
• A Guide for Lifegroup leaders to stop zoom bombing in their small group
• How to attend LifeGroups through A Zoom Call

*This post originally appeared in 2009. It has been updated with content and media for relevancy today.

 

Watch the following video on hen pecking. DO you see any similarities to women who minister to teenaged girls in your ministry? Rick from Tractor Supply has insightful things to say about hen pecking, but keep reading after the video for how to move away from this type of behavior in your girls ministry.

I don’t think it probably took very long for you to see some of these behaviors that hens do, lived out in the way women nurture. Women are nurturers. However, nurturing can become territorial and competitive very quickly.
Understanding a little bit about what goes on in a chicken pen may give us some insight into why sometimes there are bickerings and quarreling that may arise between leaders of girls. Especially when there are several different layers of leadership.

In our church we have Lifegroups leaders, we have Sunday school teachers, Sunday School mentors, Student Peer leaders, Highschool girl mentors to middle school, Student Ministry Staff, and many volunteers leaders. In the midst of these layers of leadership, there is often overlapping in nurturing that happens. Nurturing and raising chicks is what a hen is supposed to do. Read below from a segment I discovered regarding aggressive poultry and see if you can find possible similarities in girls ministry that points to toxic nurturing.

Aggressive Chicken by Katie Thear

Pecking order

The pecking order is a well-defined hierarchical pattern of behaviour that manifests in flocks. There is a ‘top bird’ to which the rest will defer, often giving way at the food container or generally getting out of the way. The top bird is often a cock, but in the absence of a male, an old hen may hold the position. She may continue to hold sway even if there is a male, if he happens to be young and nervous. The pecking order extends downwards (just as it does in human societies), with the weakest having to survive as best as they can, dodging the onslaughts of the more powerful. The pecking order may also extend sideways, with a previously untouched bird being attacked if, for example, it becomes ill or sustains a wound that attracts the unwanted attention of the other birds.

Where new birds are introduced to an existing flock, there are always problems because the natural pecking order is disrupted. A hen spotting a newcomer will utter a single warning croak that alerts the rest of the flock. It then becomes fair game to peck at and chase away the stranger.

God created women specifically to have an amazing ability to nurture. It’s something we do naturally. It’s not a bad thing. Have you ever seen a hen gather her baby chicks under her wing? It’s a beautiful thing. It’s very natural and it makes sense. She is protective. She is taking care of that which was entrusted to her. Even Jesus uses this imagery when He speaks of how He wants to protect His children.

Matthew 23:37 how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.

What does nurture technically mean?
to feed and protect: to nurture one’s offspring.
2. to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.
3. to bring up; train; educate.

These are all things that you would want to have in one who mentors or invests in the girls God has entrusted into your care. Unfortunately, sometimes women can develop a pecking order of their own when it comes to who gets to be close to certain girls in the ministry. It begins innocently enough with phrases like: “My girls told me this.”
But that phrase can become very toxic if the group of girls is poured into by more than one woman within the ministry. I have seen this happen especially in the presence of small groups. Small groups are so vital to growth but one con that I have observed in girls ministry is when the small groups become small territories of the leader.
So here are some things to remind small group leaders and yourself of as a new school year begins:

1. The girls in the girls ministry are always “someone else’s girl too” . They are daughters. They are granddaughters. They have other mentors than just you. AND THIS IS HEALTHY! Recent studies have shown that a cluster of mentors is even more healthy than just one mentor per child. So remember to share. Try not to use territorial words. “But she is MY girl”. When we use those words, it discredits the impact other women have had on this student and can be very hurtful.

2. Be aware of the tools you use to draw boundaries which cut other leaders off from influence:
a. information.— Withholding information from other leaders or the student minister may provide a moment of mentoring power, but in the longrun there are certain things that may need to be shared–especially if you have a girls ministry leader or youth minister involved.
b. experience.—reminding new leaders or new volunteers that you have been here longer and know what’s best for YOUR girls. If you have been around for a long time—great! I know that when I was a new leader in my church, I had several veterans take me aside and invite me into ministry with them instead of blocking me out. I’m not suggesting that there needs to be flat leadership when working with girls…there does need to ultimately be someone responsible for the strategic and intentional plan for nuturing girls—and when that is communicated, the rest of the leaders need to work together to minister to “OUR girls” that God has brought to the church.

3. As a girls minister, there are some things that can be done to create some healthy mixing among leaders and girls. We are trying to ensure that at events, we place groups of girls with different leaders than those they may have for a lifegroup or sunday school class. This provides them the opportunity to hear from another Godly woman how God has worked in and through them and to hear another teaching style.

4. Another leadership opportunity is to place a younger leader (either spiritually or physically) with an older leader. Let’s not forget that sometimes toxic nurturing is just evidence of some maturity opportunities. This is also helpful in ensuring that a group is not just identified with one woman. I had led a group of girls for 3 years but always brought in new leaders into the group to serve with me. This constantly helped me to “give the group away” to others. Because if we’re honest, we develop heart ties to girls we’ve poured into. I never wanted that to be destructive or a distraction. The last two years I was with the group I facilitated, I brought on two permanent leaders. It is extremely healthy to do that. If you do not have shared leadership in the groups you facilitate, I encourage you to begin moving toward this opportunity.

5. PRAY! This is not the last thing to do. This is the first thing to do. Pray that God will unify your leadership and if there is a root of pecking order or jealousy or territorism growing in the girls ministry you serve in, then ask first if it is in you. Pray that God will allow nurturing to be healthy and not toxic within you. Continue to find ways to include the first girls minister the girls have the opportunity to know—this is their mother. Sometimes mom’s do not know God…but if they do—they have the right to be that primary girls minister for their daughter. Let’s do everything we can to pray that they are involved and do not feel threatened by other mentors God may bring alongside of their daughter. I am thankful my mom allowed women to be my mentors and continues to celebrate women in my life that share things with me.

It is a blessing to love others. It is a blessing to serve others. When it becomes competitive then the motivation has become something other than Godly. Seek—Pray—and Ask God what that motivation may be so that it does not become toxic to those you are nurturing and serving with.Tweet

“Fear of missing out” or “FOMO” is a term that started to trend when social media posts would document events. People wanted to make sure that they were in those pictures and not missing out at home. It created this anxiety that takes place within you as you scour instagram stories or snapchat to make sure there wasn’t something you weren’t invited to.

I’ve started playing around with a new term lately. It’s called “YAMO” or “You are missing out”. Recently I’ve been hearing about girls sharing moments on their stories or direct messaging other girls to let them know they were missing out and they weren’t allowed to be present. It moved from a casual, “wow, those people are together for a party and I didn’t get invited” to “hey we are having so much fun without you at this party”.

It’s a new way of mean girling and it hits at the core of our need for community. So what do you do about it as you minister to students?

1. Be aware that one of the tactics of satan is to attack when we are lonely. And social media highlights our loneliness. Scripture tells us that Satan prowls like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) Lions devour weak, isolated, sick, and hurting prey. That’s one reason why we need to be in community as the body of Christ. We combat the loneliness that Satan wants us to live in.

2. Ensure that you have consistent places of community that exist for students where they are regularly having face to face conversation and soul to soul accountability. I say face to face, because generation z is losing the art of communicating deeply. They are exchanging real conversations for emoji’s, snaps, texts, and stories. They need to learn how to go from a face to face to a soul to soul talk. It’s in those moments where you as a leader can call our Christ in them and remind them of their identity in Christ, their significance in Christ, and their purpose in Christ.

3. Use attendance tracking to pursue those who have dropped off the scene. This is not something I have done well at, but I can tell you this is a new goal of mine. I want to pursue the unseen student as much as I pursue the present student. The lifegroup I lead is now in 10th grade. We use a tool called GROUPME to continue weekly conversations when we aren’t together. I want to send notes and phone calls in addition to a quick groupme so that these girls who may be suffering from loneliness begin to experience community to comes after them.

4. Address the YAMO attacks. This is not something that sisters in Christ do to one another. Even tonight as an adult girls minister, I have experienced persons that have stopped pursuing me for community for one reason or another and have posted social media moments that have ushered in some FOMO feelings. As an adult, although hurt, I have the maturity to respond with grace and forgiveness. I have persons in my circle that can remind me that my worth doesn’t come from who I hang out with, but from being loved sacrificially by my savior. Our girls need help in being equipped to handle those moments.

When I was growing up, I had a group of nine girl friends. The circles of friends within that group of nine would always change. My mom observed that every few weeks, it would be my turn to be left out. It was such a horrible experience, but she was right. My mom acknowledged the pattern. She would use those moments to remind me what makes a good friend. If there were some unhealthy friendships, we talked about how to walk away. As a girls minister, we need to remind girls that it’s not okay to mean girl through a YAMO story or DM. And if a girl is being YAMO’d, we need to come alongside of her and equip her to know how to respond. And as she is being lulled into loneliness, we need to bring her into intentional community. Pray that God would help you to see the girls who may be walking in loneliness because of a FOMO or YAMO incident.Tweet