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Facebook Tutorial for parents in your ministry


This week I was helping some friends out with their facebook profiles and teaching them some basics via a screencast. As I was walking through the process, I realized that this video might be helpful to student ministers who have parents unfamiliar with facebook or maybe it will save you a confusing conversation with your mom or dad. You can literally shoot them this link and be the hero for providing this facebook tutorial tech moment. It’s not very flashy, but maybe it will help someone. Hopefully someone will “like it”. 😉 That’s a facebook joke, but if you don’t know facebook you won’t laugh until after the video. It’s okay. You’ll understand soon.

So you have a parent who comes to you wanting you to help them understand this facebook thing. Voila! You now have a online tutorial to walk parents in your ministry through a facebook profiel. *Sigh of relief* …that’s right, now you can use this video in your next technology meeting with parents or share the video on your facebook page with your parents. If you need a more specific tutorial, just let me know. I’d love to help you out.

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Pastor Mike Glenn Shares About Gifts and Boundaries

A couple of weeks ago I had the opportunity to be a conference leader for Lifeway’s Girls Ministry Forum. The conference I was given was to talk about “working with guys on a church staff”. At first I was supposed to lead this with one of the guys from our staff, but the forum fell on the same weekend as our guys retreat so I knew that would not be happening. So I sat down to prepare for this conference, and realized that video would be a great tool in documenting some clips from these awesome guys I have served almost 9 years with. However, as I sat down in these interviews, I became aware of how important some of these truths were for me to hear personally and then for my girls ministry friends and youth workers. So I have received permission from them to repost those videos here on girlsminister.com. Thanks so much guys! Today is video that comes from my Senior Pastor. It’s his debut here on girlsminister.com and I’m excited that you get to meet him. He has some great things to say about roles, gifting, and boundaries that need to be in place where both genders are involved. Thanks Mike!

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An inside look at a girls retreat online leaders meeting

This year, I did something a little different with our leaders meeting before our girls retreat. I recorded it and sent out a password protected video link that had a biblestudy and schedule attached. It was well received as it allowed each leader the chance to “meet” with me on their own time. As there is not any “personal” information shared, I thought it might be beneficial to allow other girls ministers to see how I led our “snowball leaders information meeting”. It’s a little long…13 minutes, but hopefully it will be of some benefit to you. So without further ado…

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GUY TALK: former student ministers share about working with a girls minister


At the end of February, I had the opportunity to lead a conference at The Lifeway Girls Ministry Forum on the topic of working with guys on a church staff. I have to say that in my almost 9 years of working at Brentwood Baptist, that I have been extremely blessed with the guys I get to work with. I count it a blessing to be able to look at these guys that I’ve worked with as my brothers. They have walked with me and helped me mature as a minister to girls. They have encouraged me, laughed with me and at me, and have been a blessing to work with.  With that said, it was not easy and there were intentional things that were done to foster a healthy environment and structure to work together as a team. For my conference, I felt that other girls ministers would benefit from hearing from these guys that I work with. Some of the guys talked about what they’ve learned working with a girls minister and how that differs from their time working without a girls minister. Others talked about difficult moments we had in working together and how we moved through that to be a stronger team. My pastor shared his wisdom on boundaries that need to be in place with teams that have women and men working together. I am not posting all the videos I shared at my conference, but have received permission from Jay and Aaron to share this video with you.  Jay and Aaron were the first guys to work with me as a girls minister and I think that God truly helped us understand some things that could make a difference for other student ministries looking to hire a girls minister or trying to figure out how to work with a girls minister.  I love these guys and I’m thankful that we got to work together for the little over 3 years we did. I now work with a different team of guys, but I still get to cheer these two guys on from a distance as Jay pastors our Station Hill church campus and as Aaron leads our Young Adult Ministry. Take a chance to listen to Jay and Aaron on this 7 minute interview video and pass it along to your student ministers and girls ministers.

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Girlsminister On Words Girls Need To Hear From Their Fathers


This post is not something I typically share. I’m not a big heart sharer. It’s just not comfortable for me. But as I talked with a friend of mine yesterday at lunch, his words hit me. He told me sometimes these things are not just for  you, but God can use them to help others.  Well, while this thing is fresh, I decided to do my one and only heart share on this topic of fathers. Next week is my Dad’s birthday (March 13). He would be 83 I believe. He’s been gone for 11 years this June after complications from Colon cancer. It’s sometimes a messy time for me to reflect on that relationship. Without going into details I’ll sum it up briefly, it was a damaging and discouraging relationship , but as I grow more distant from the day I said goodbye to him, I find that it is important to give thanks that Christ speaks to that hurt in my life and to honor the dark days just as much as the beautiful days. As it is in those dark days that I found comfort, wisdom, and strength through my Savior that I would not have known without choosing to walk that moment with Him. So today I post a draft I wrote in 2007 to quietly honor my dad—as messy as he was—and to call attention to words that your girls need to hear from fathers and spiritual fathers.  I truly hope for those that work with teen girls, that you will take some of the ideas I post and get them in the hands of the fathers and spiritual fathers in your church.  I say spiritual fathers, because I am a living testimony of men that took some of the role my father abdicated and spoke into my life.  Fathers are extremely important to girls ministry, and my prayer is that we—myself included—continue to elevate this relationship as we minister to girls and their families.

missing words that cause holes…a draft post from my personal blog in 2007
There is an honesty that comes when you look at the gunk in your heart isn’t there? There are times when I realize that I crave words to be said from my father—things that most daughters hear on a regular basis and probably take for granted. Things that I will never hear because my father is not here anymore. This “need” and “hurt” stunned me so much the other day that I truly caught myself wishing my dad were here to say “I’m proud of you”. It came from out of the blue. I realized this need oddly when I heard the words said to me by my older brother. It caught me off guard and emotions came alive that I had stuffed inside of me for over 20 years. I gave up on hearing those words from my dad, but there was a hole that still wants to hear that apparently. How sad and messy it is to have to live in a fallen world that words from fathers or missing words from fathers have power to imprison us. I share this only to show that when I become aware of the wounds left from living in a fallen world, that i don’t have to stay that way. I will never hear those words from my dad. But Christ is faithful to remind me that no person can give or take worth from me. Christ has already told me how much I mean to Him by what He has accomplished on the cross. Christ is healing me—I hope the same is true for you today. I hope that Christ is repairing…remaking…replacing…refocusing..and creating new things within you. I hope that whatever the cry of your heart is today…that you do not attempt to fill it with people/places/or things but simply show Christ what you are dealing with and ask for Him to do what He does best—give Life to the dead places we hang onto. Below is a song that I meditate on in the car—or while I run and it is a prayer that I sing as often as I can. Download the song from Starfield because it is amazingly beautiful.

“Cry In My Heart” by Starfield
There’s a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There’s a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper
Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I’ve been here before But I know there’s still more Oh, Lord, I need to know You)
For what do I have If I don’t have You, Jesus?
What in this life Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter Of my head
Lifter of this head

A WORD TO FATHERS:

Fathers, my pastor has repeatedly said during baby dedications at our church that you are the first example of a boyfriend/husband your daughter will ever see. You set the bar for how she expects men to treat her. My advice is along those same lines, but with some definitive suggestions of how to be that example.

My word to you is the following:

  • Begin showing your daughter how men should treat women by taking her on a date night where it’s just you and her.
  • Find out what she has to say—she wants to know she has a voice with you.
  • Be present with her on daddy daughter dates. (leave the cell phone in the glove compartment)
  • Ask her about her dreams.
  • Call out things in her that you see that God has specially placed within her. Encourage her—meaning fill her with courage through the things you say to her.
  • Redefine beauty for her by calling out things other than her fashion that you find beautiful.
  • Take off from work and go have lunch with her at school—but bring something in from fast food land for her and all her friends! BONUS POINTS!
  • Look her in the eyes and tell her how proud you are to be her father.
  • Write her a physical note before she goes on a big events to remind her that you are praying for her.
  • Pray with her before she goes to bed at night. Talk about her to God in front of her.
  • Tell her you love her and give her hugs/kisses often. Especially as she transitions from 6th-8th grade. Fathers often distance themselves during this time as their daughter starts looking like a young woman but don’t leave her. She needs you more than ever during this time.

These are just some starters…

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Cookies: a great recipe for getting to know girls

This past Sunday two of our 8th grade girls lifegroup leaders put together a Valentine’s eve cookie party. I joined them after the damage had already begun on the kitchen table. You probably heard us sometime during the afternoon. You must have heard us, as those 12 or so 8th grade girls hit decibels that broke the sound barrier at least 5 or 6 times. You know how it goes. You start making cookies. You start giggling. You start singing, and it quickly escalates into a sound barrier breaking rendition of “I am a C. I am a C-H. I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N.” Amazing. And I loved how not only did we make heart cookies, but we had Yoda, Bobba Fett, and a Storm trooper that showed up in our cookie tray as well. Why do we do it? Because in the margins of making cookies, we share more than a recipe. We share time. We share turns getting to hear what’s going on, or what one girls likes, or what one girl doesn’t like. We share laughter. And as a result, we’ve shared life together. Walking into that group on Wednesday night doesn’t seem like a sterile classroom anymore. There’s growth happening even more now because these two lifegroup leaders took time to bring girls to their home and make cookies for an afternoon. I love that our leaders see the importance of doing life outside of our scheduled time on Wednesday. Thanks Kathy and Debbie! And thanks to many other leaders who do this on a regular basis. I just didn’t call attention to you today. BUT it’s coming:)

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TECHTALK: Distance biblestudy


This week has been a crazy one. Not only are we getting ready to have our girls retreat the week after we have our guys retreat, but we have to fit in 11 interviews for our summer interns in two weeks. On top of that we have a minister’s spiritual retreat and a discipleship retreat. WHOA-WA! But we all go through seasons like that when we feel the need…the need for speed. 🙂 (yes I’ve been watching some movies from the 90’s on the weekend) Or perhaps, we feel the need to be in four places at once. Well you can’t do that,but sometimes when you are trying to meet up with girls to plan bible studies and no one can be available at the same time for a physical meeting, you can try an alternative. I present to you Adobe Connect Web conferencing!

This Thursday, myself and 3 other girls all at different locations logged onto a customized weblink. Their video camera’s clicked on and because they aren’t exactly geeky techs like me, I used groupme to call them as a conference call and told them to turn off the volume on their computers. That way we had no echo. (If you don’t use headsets or a conference call, your program will pick up everyone’s microphones and it will echo the entire time and not allow for a meeting. Been there done that ) We met for 1.5 hours going over bible studies for Snowball. They loved it and so did I. They were still able to bethemselves on the webconference. For example, one of the girls was being cheeky and found out that when I was reading from my notes, I was not looking at them on camera. That’s when she proceeded to put a pen in her ear or be goofy. I finally realized that everytime I looked away, they would giggle. I soon found out why. Girls are girls even on web conferences. We had a great time and although it doesn’t been face-to-face, it’s a great alternative if you have to. I paid $14.99 for a month. I thought that was very reasonable.

I didn’t get to take screenshots of our meeting, but I’ll put some from the actual program. You can upload documents and girls can download from withinthe chat. You can create notes that everyone can edit. And you can share your screen with participants. If you needed to show a video or something, that would be very useful. In addition, everyone has a video pod so you can seeeveryone’s face. If you use it, let me know!

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How to digitally share your favorite resources through shelfari


I’m sure it’s happened to you. It’s a Wednesday night, and a mom comes up to you wanting to know if you have a bible study for her daughter that you could recommend. Same day, (cuz you’re just really popular) a teenaged girl is wanting to find a resource to help her understand theology, and she wants to know what you recommend. Or maybe, you want to let your small group leaders see the approved curriculum you have for them to select for their groups this semester. If one or all of the above scenarios sounds familiar, you need to set up a Shelfari. It’s really easy. It’s free. Go to www.shelfari.com and begin setting up an online reference bookshelf. You can even create tags for specific people. For example, my entire bookshelf is www.shelfari.com/amyjogirardier.
I just created a tagged bookshelf for some parents:
http://www.shelfari.com/amyjogirardier/tags/biblestudy
And embedded, it looks like below:

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blogFind new books and literate friends with Shelfari, the online book club.

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How to partner with parents in mentoring their daughter

Some of my very favorite people in ministry are parents I know. They are my friends and they are on “Team Amy-Jo”.  They are people that I can count on to pray for me, with me, and sometimes they pray without me even knowing. These parents allow me to come alongside of them and co-minister.  It’s a special bond.  I get the unique vantage point of watching them love on their daughters through the teenage years, and I get to encourage both the daughter and parent as those times can sometimes be trying.  I am thankful for the partnership we have.  I am grateful for the friendship we have.  I say this because I realized this is something I may take for granted, and something I haven’t truly spent a great deal of time talking about here.  I must say that I first learned this possible partnership from when I was a teen myself.  My amazing mother took the time to allow some women to come into our lives to walk alongside of us.  They are my mother’s friends, and they are my mentors.  Even as some moved to places like Africa or Mississippi, they remained in my life as my girl’s minister’s.  Even to this day, these women hold a special place in our family.  My husband affectionately calls them my Obi-wan-kenobi and my Yoda.  I love you both Bonita and Robin.

Here’s what I’ve learned from them about partnering with parents to minister to girls:

1. Reinforce the values that the Godly parent is trying to encourage within the daughter. I never received mixed messages from my mentors and my mom.  They were on the same page.  It made such a difference to hear something my mom had said to me, show up naturally in conversation with my mentor.  I knew they were on the same page.

2. It’s okay to hang out together with the mom and daughter. Sometimes as a girls minister we may shy away from hanging out with students and their parents.  However, if you can, try to schedule some girl time with both the daughter and the mom.  It can be a healthy time of modeling a Christian friendship with the daughter.  I loved hanging out with my mom and my mentors.  It wasn’t often, but we would sometimes invite them over for lunch or dinner after a church event.

3. Be present, not possessive. The women that mentored me listened to what was going on in our family. They didn’t overstep their bounds and so my mother was never threatened by their presence in my life.  I think that came from their ability to listen and be present without being possessive. Now don’t get me wrong, I knew I was their “girl” and I am shaped today because of their influence in my life, but they did not try to replace my mother. Instead, they worked alongside of her in a harmonious way that allowed me to see different role models during my formative years.

4. Call out the good things you see God doing in both the daughter and the mom. These women have been amazing at not only encouraging me and calling out the good things they see God doing in me, but also doing the same with my mom.  I know they love us both.  It was important for me especially because I had a difficult relationship with my father who didn’t really know how to use his words to encourage.  To hear my mentors talk to my mom about what they saw in me was so encouraging.  And to hear them say things about my mother only reinforced the value of my mom in my eyes.

There is so much more I’ve learned from the women who walked alongside of my mom and I, but these were the things that popped into my head after a long day.  I hope you get to be a Robin or Bonita to a girl and her mom.  It’s a forever friendship you won’t regret making.

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Tough talks. Someone’s gotta do it.

Today I was reading Read Ephesians 4:12.

11 So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers,12 to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up

“Equipping” is the translation of a Greek word used in New Testament times for mending nets, setting a bone, and realizing a purpose. It means to “put right”.

As girls ministers, we have all sorts of conversations with girls and leaders. Sometimes you walk away from a conversation encouraging a girl to pursue God or to be all that God is calling her to be. Sometimes you get to help her with some faith questions. (It’s always fun when they ask about “the nephilim” in Genesis 6.)  Then there are the times when you may have to confront an area of immaturity.  These are not easy conversations to have.  I had to have a couple of those conversations this week.  And I was reminded today that I am called to those conversations too.  I’m called to equip as if I were a doctor and I saw a broken bone.  I would not ignore it.  I would not just give pain medicine. I would need to align the bones and set it in a cast so that it mends and grows stronger.  Do not be afraid of those conversations where a student may need you to speak into their life regarding various immaturities. And just like a doctor would be careful with the broken bone, we too must take special care with these students we are entering into equipping conversations with.

A long time ago, I had a group of girls that determined whenever I would say “Can we talk for a second”, that this meant they were getting ready to be disciplined.   I realized it was true and something they were doing may have triggered my “equipping” mode and I didn’t set up the conversation for maximum influence.  There are some things we can do to prepare for a healthy conversation with a student, just like a doctor would prepare for surgery.

1. Set up a time to talk with the girl for a later time. Sometime in the heat of the moment, we may see something that needs to be addressed and we respond right there and then. However, if we’re honest, equipping the student at that moment may not be our initial motivation and oftentimes we miss out on a unique opportunity to truly set up the optimum time to talk with that student.

2. Pray through what it is that you are getting ready to share with the student.

3. Remove the personal hurt feelings out of the conversation. You may have been hurt by the student, but remember they are a teenager. Their prefrontal cortex won’t be fully wired until they are 25. As you address the situation, your feelings expressing hurt may bring guilt and shame on a student that will erase any type of equipping. This is a delicate area which only highlights your need to listen to the Holy Spirit’s leading of what to say and what not to say.

4. Look for ways to build the student up. Your truthful encouraging words can be just like a cast in surrounding the “wound” and supporting the healing.  Remember to speak His truth into the situation.

5. Write out a basic framework of where you are wanting to go with the equipping time. Example:

Heather, I’ve been observing this sarcasm in you during our student leader meetings.  You are truly a hilarious person, but I wanted to talk with you about what is happening around you with our group when you begin being sarcastic during our meetings.

—share some examples of how unity has been affected.

—ask what she thinks sarcasm is intended to do? Share with her what scripture says about sarcasm.

—talk about ways to turn the sarcasm into encouragement.

—What would happen if her words were used to build people up and not tear them down?

—Share how you have seen God using her, and how working together on this area could really make a difference in the unity of our student ministry.

—Make a plan to eliminate sarcasm from the wednesday night meeting.  PRAY.

Here are some areas where you may see ways to “equip” or “set right” or “mend” or “help realize a purpose”:

A student appears to have an agenda for wanting to be involved in a leadership component.

A student flakes out on their responsibilities or commitments with the student ministry.

A girl treats her church family one way, and completely disrespects her biological family.

A student hasn’t seen the way they can use their gifts to connect with service or worship.

What are some other ways you have seen reason to step in and equip?

How does this added understanding of the word “equip” help you in your role as a volunteer, mom, or girls minister?

When He prompts your heart for a bone-setting, net-mending, or purpose realizing conversation, know that He is not leaving you alone in that talk.  After-all, He goes by the name “Immanuel” not just at Christmas time.  “God with us”, is with us 365 days a year.