(originally published on Oct 2, 2009 but revised and updated on December 2, 2011)

I heard it said recently that cellphones have become the electronic pacifier of the 21st century. Wow! Yes…that is true.  We have students that cannot be without their cell phone. As a girls minister, we have seen this to be a problem not just for our teens but for our parents as well. Sometimes parents are the ones who are wanting their child to have a cell phone so that they can talk with them at an event.  We’ve seen unfortunate distractions happen because cell phones were carelessly used at an event by a student who couldn’t stay away from it. Ironically when boundaries are placed on using the cellphone at events or on mission trips, some students express thanks for the break of being “available 24-7”.  But there are other layers to this constant need for connection. We have become a society that cannot hit pause…not even in the car.  And literally we are seeing a collision occur when people put their need for cell phone connection and/or production above the safety of themselves and others  as people continue to maintain constant communication even while they are driving.   It’s becoming an addiction, although Texting Queen Emilee Cox might not say it’s an addiction with her 35,463 Texts In 30 Days.

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So what are we going to do about it? Here are a few of my ideas to help wean students from a cell phone addiction.
1. While on our mission experiences, we have told students they can’t have their cellphones except during certain breaks. To ensure that their cellphone is charged and checked in, we created these charging tubs. Their name is written in sharpie on a strip of duct tape, and using a dry erase marker, we can check in their phone after each break. We’ve had students thank us for doing this because it allowed them to truly be present when they needed to be present.

2. During small groups, have a “cell phone condo”—-A box that states: “Where Your Cell Phone Lives During small groups.” You could also just have a cell phone bucket placed in the middle of the room and have students place their cell phones in there during small groups.

3. Have your students fill out a cell phone covenant with you. It could look something like this:

I understand that it is possible to make my cell phone an idol or that it may become an addiction for me.  I understand that an “addiction is when we’re seeking to find something that only God can provide in something besides God Himself.” (as stated by Craig Groeschel, life church tv) In order to not let this take place in my life, I will agree to a cell phone sabbath where I make the choice to detach myself from my phone once a week.

I will seek to have a cell phone sabbath hour every day during the hours of_________ to ___________.

I will leave my phone outside of my bedroom each night so that I can truly rest and not get caught up in any activity or conversation I might find myself in late at night or early in the morning if it were accessible.

Please keep me accountable to this agreement and ask how I am doing on a regular basis.
I’ve posted another cellphone contract that you can get ideas from here: Cell Phone Contract 2

4. If you are a parent, you may want to consider getting an app that restricts texting while driving. Here are some options:

5. Let’s not forget that modeling cell phone habits is teaching our students and children much more than we may think. I had a student tell me she thought I was using my phone more than I should.  She challenged me to not use my phone for 24 hours and she would tell as many people she could about Jesus if I took the challenge. It was a win win for everyone.  I took the challenge, and I learned a little about my own cell phone habits. 🙂

I’m sure there are several other things we can do. What have you tried, tested, rejected, and celebrated regarding helping wean students from the cellphone addictive habits? Leave a comment or drop me a line at: girlsminister@gmail.com

Judges 17:6
This was before kings ruled Israel, so all the Israelites did whatever they thought was right .

(originally published on January 7, 2011. Reposted with extra links)

I was reading this passage today and recognized that for many of us, we know a “little princess” who lives this out on a day by day basis.  Just like the society that Judges was chronicling, girls that we know choose to live their lives doing whatever they want to do and labeling it as “RIGHT”.

So here are some basics you can do to help your daughter have healthy digital boundaries set by your family, so that there is not a temptation for your daughter to “do whatever they think is right” online.  You need to be having conversations about technology and tv instead of simply BANNING it.  When your student moves out of the house, they need to determine what their digital boundaries are. One of mine is that I don’t post on facebook walls past a certain hour.  So read on about some basics, and then work with your family to see what boundaries you need to have.  You are preparing them for the future with these conversations, because I guarantee that they are not thinking about how their digital presence is connected to their physical presence. So read on and see if any of these may work for you.

1. Stop believing the lie that if you set boundaries, they’ll just do whatever they want anyway. I know several families, mine included, that lovingly set boundaries because they know their teen has a prefrontal cortex that is not fully developed until they are 25.  We would think it’s absurd to let a baby or a toddler to decide what to do with their day, or where to go. Why do some people believe that teenagers should be different with having age specific boundaries?

Our middle school minister has triplets that are 1 and a precious little girl named Harper who is 3.  This past week, Mary Lindsey (our middle school minister’s wife and a good friend of mine) came with the whole clan to let them get some excercise and for her to get a couple of things done.  We each took a child and walked with them around the church.  There were several times when I noticed my particular triplet moving toward a place they didn’t need to be going or putting something in their mouth that didn’t need to be there. So I would tell them “no” and move them back into the boundaries they were allowed to run in. Just like toddlers need boundaries to grow healthy and even to know they are loved, teenagers need boundaries as well. Here are some that I have seen my parents and other families institute in their homes with great success.

1. Practice a no technology boundary at dinner. That time is family time and so you as much as your children, need to turn off technology and truly begin having conversations with each other.

2. Keep your computers in a family central area. Work with your daughter in creating this family space.

Explain that this computer family area not only encourages public accountability for her, but also for the rest of the family.

3. Work with your daughter to establish “cell phone check-in station” . When cellphones start coming into the life of your teenager, oftentimes they may find themselves tempted to say or do things with their phone that they shouldn’t be doing. These things typically happen late at night. Example: SEXTING, addictive night texting, One family I know picks an hour and checks in the phones of their children in the evening.  This policy is so their children are not alone with their cell phones having conversations in bed late at night with people they  would never let into their physical room at that late of an hour.

4. Agree with your student to set some facebook profile rules that work both ways.

As a parent,there are some rules you need to have for yourself as well as your daughter. For example,do not post on their wall every week and comment on all of their friends comments. The fact that they are letting you into their social network is great.  Do not abuse that.  Instead, work with them to agree on how you will interact with each other on facebook.  Use the private message feature. Help them understand that they do not need to put their cell phone on their page. There are so many conversations you need to have your daughter to agree  with how you interact with your her and how they interact with their social network world as well.

5. Bring prayer into their digital boundaries. Pray each day that they are being wise and seeking to make God known rather than being self-absorbed on faebook.  Message them a prayer each week through their facebook email or text them a prayer.  Help them to celebrate technology and not just condemning it.  Technology is not bad by itself, but when it is placed in our hands we can move it into a bad tool or a good tool.  Talk with your daughters about this concept as well.

Check out our other article with 5 specific ways to wean your teen off their cellphone

These are just a few thoughts that I have seen work with Digital boundaries in the home.  This is not exhaustive and they can always improve. Each family has different habits and personalities so we recognize that some of these boundaries may not work in your home but another will.  Please share below regarding some digital boundaries you may already use or have seen others use.