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A girls ministry talk about Halloween costumes + girls

originally published October 27th, 2010…but it’s been updated for 2013!

Cady’s thoughts: in the real world Halloween was a time for little kids to dress up in scary costumes. in girl world it was the one night a year a girl could dress like a total slut and no other girls could say anything about it. The hard core girls just wore lingerie and some form of animal ears. unfortunately no one told me this rule so i showed up like this.

I remember the first time that I first heard this quote from Mean Girls and thought, “Wow. Someone really captured what I have been seeing over the years.” I remember our church had an alternative halloween event for youth where you had to dress as your favorite biblical character. Of course 98% of the girls chose Esther, but then there was always that one girl who chose to really live on the edge and don a bathrobe portraying Bathsheba. Nope—that wasn’t me. I always liked to pick the obscure people like Rhoda the servant girl. (look her up–she’s real.)

My church leaders never began a top 5 list of biblical costumes that girls should not be allowed to show up to do the apple dunk in. Just for kicks,this is what I think that list would have looked like:
5. Rahab
4. Bathsheba
3. Woman at the well
2. Potiphar’s wife
1. Eve before the fall

I hope that our readers will choose to speak into the lives of girls this Halloween to begin some conversations regarding their costume choices. Or perhaps we can just hope the coolest girl in school latches on to my 2013 secret Halloween viral campaigns:

“Hazmat suits = the new bunny costume”
“covered head to toe is the way to go”
“mummies & modest monsters= eye candy”

Or maybe the following web badges will start spreading onto the “cool girl’s” facebook profile pics:
bunny2013

hazmat2013

mummy2013

 

But in all seriousness, here’s an activity you can do with some of the girls you mentor to begin talking about Halloween Costumes:
Have girls use markers, pencils, glue, and old magazines to design a halloween costume for each member of their family—including pets.
Use those drawings to begin to talk about why they chose those costumes.
ASK: Did those costumes represent something about that person?
What do you think your costume represents about you?
Why do you think girls choose to wear costumes that are often innapropriate?
What do you think the message is regarding those costume choices?
How does Ephesians 3:5 impact the costume we may choose to wear?

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Who needs encouragement? This girl, and that girl…and that girl…

guestbloggerThe following post is an article that was received from guest contributor Tiffany Haynes during her mission trip to Casper, Wyoming. I think you’ll find it’s a great reminder of how we as leaders need the encouragement of fellow laborers and if we need encouragement…think how much more our students may need encouragement from their leaders. The word encourage means to fill one with courage. As you read Tiffany’s post, perhaps it will jog your memory of some of your summer roadtrips and remind you of that student that God is calling you to fill with courage.

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It’s 2:22 p.m. and we’re still in Kansas. Seven hours ago we rolled out of the church parking lot in
a 25 passenger bus filled with 17 students and six adults headed towards Casper, Wyoming. Each
year we take students on a mission trip and this year we’re headed to work with the World Changers

organization in the city of Casper for four days.  It’s definitely a trip of mixed emotion. In years passed, my good friend Kathy would always make these long bus trips along side of me. We’d talk and laugh for miles on end. Beautiful memories were formed on these journeys and such a deep bond was created. Last October, Kathy met her sweet Jesus.
The seat next to me will forever be vacant – not because no one sits there, but because no one will ever replace that which she gave me. Kathy could love with such fervency and grace that it is nearly indescribable. She was an encourager to the core.

As I scan the faces on the bus I think about what each student brings on board – not just their luggage and sleeping bag, but what is carried in their hearts. Are they feeling the same mixed emotion I am? Are they well-focused after weeks of preparing for this trip? This week holds not only a lot of sweat, short nights, and needed caffeine hits, but workings within the soul. Many students will be seeking God for direction in their life, renewal in their walks, and peace back home when they return.

Right before we left another youth leader told me, “I’m going to need encouraging on this trip.” Don’t we all feel like that sometimes? There just never seems to be enough people who encourage with intensity in this world. It’s important as our students pursue God that we encourage them through their voyage. While they seek immediate answers and fixes, we must be ready to remind them to persevere.

I love a song Addison Road sings called This Little Light of Mine. Its lyrics prompt us of the light we are to shine because Christ is illuminated in us. One of my favorite verses says: “One day there will be no more pain, and we will finally see Jesus’ face, so until then I’m going to try to brave the dark and let my little light shine.”

Brave the dark, leaders. We must stand firm for the generation rising up behind us and speak Truth into their lives. You have been called to shine your light in a pitch black world, so let your light shine in your sphere of influence. First Thessalonians 5:14 serves as the perfect reminder: “Brothers and sisters, we urge you to warn those who are lazy. Encourage those who are timid. Take care of those who are weak. Be patient with everyone.” That sums up our role as ministers to our girls, doesn’t it? Our girls
need to be reminded that they are beautiful – without make-up. They need to be reminded that their feet may stink but their excitement is contagious and will permeate the lives of others. They need to be reminded that they too carry the flame.

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HOMEWORK MONDAY: What Infrastructure Are You Building For the Girls In Your Ministry?

I was on vacation this week and didn’t get to post homework for homework thursday but I have some for you to do…watch this video and then prayerfully begin thinking through what biblical foundational truths you are giving to your girls or daughters on a regular basis? Are you allowing them to pick and choose topics that blow with the wind or are you providing a systematic spiritual nutrition much like the food pyramid?

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Keeping our “experiences” in check when mentoring girls.

 

Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith. (Heb 13:7).

The most important thing is putting women in and around the girls ministry that get God’s word in their lives and girls can see the outcome of that in the way they live their everyday lives. Don’t let YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES become your primary girlsministry tool.

Some questions to ask regarding when to use a life experience:

1. Am i sharing this to bring attention to myself?

2. Are there parts of this experience that do not need to be disclosed? Too much information for a certain age group to hear?

3. Am I sharing this experience because it has been healed, redeemed, transformed or is this possibly a therapy session for me?

4. Sharing an experience brings a certain level of authenticity at times so I’m not saying never share personal stories, just ask yourself—what spiritual truth does this experience reinforce as I mentor this sister in Christ?

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Homework Thursday from girlsminister.com

homeworkthursday HOMEWORK THURSDAY

Sometimes it’s easier to know what I should be doing when someone gives me a to-do list.  I’m a great self-starter but on Thursdays…I have a hard time getting motivated because I gave all on Wednesday. SO, to help each of us, I’m starting HOMEWORK THURSDAY where you log on here to get a challenge to accomplish before the day is over.  Hope this is helpful.

Today, your homework is to mail 3 people a card.  I know…this may be the most excruciating thing you’ve done in awhile to have to physically write something and put it in the envelope.   But don’t let that stop you. You can use HAZELMAIL.COM to send a postcard from online that gets mailed.  You have to upload an image to use hazelmail.  Here’s one I used today, and you’re free to copy it and save it as a jpeg so you can use it too!  Enjoy and send a card to a student,  a parent, and a leader to complete your homework for today.

smiley

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Dry. Some questions for leaders.

This picture is such a visual to me of spiritual dryness. Can’t you just remember times when this picture described you?
Walk through that time again. Were there warning signs that you were headed to the desert?
Or did you just wake up one morning aware of your numbness and dry condition?
Most likely you were on a journey that led you to this area. Sometimes it’s the good things that we are doing for God that subtly sneak in and take the place of the watering source for our soul. We can make it only so long before that well breaks and our soul finds itself in a place that looks much like the above picture.

“Jeremiah 2:13 For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.”

Isn’t that a vivid picture of what we do to find our souls in a place like the picture above?
As those who minister to girls, take careful watch to make sure the accolades of parents and the popularity with girls do not become your personal cistern.

I’m thankful that I get to work at a church that allows me a prayer retreat day. In fact I’m at coffee with our Preschool minister who is getting ready for her first prayer retreat day since she is new on staff. It’s a day a month where we are not to work on lessons, not schedule appointments, and not work, but to commune with God and so some checking on our soul.
Make time today so you don’t do desert time later.

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Life scripting: Are you reading the same “lines”?

lifescriptingI just finished reading a book called:  My Teenage Werewolf: A Mother, a Daughter, a Journey Through the Thicket of Adolescence by Lauren Kessler

It was a very interesting read. I don’t agree with everything in the book, mainly because the author does not have experience with the transformation Christ will have in a mother daughter relationship submits to His guidance.  However, it is a highly entertaining and informative book that does provide quite an array of research.

As I was reading this book, I would also dialogue with my mother to talk about our own relationship. It was very insightful for me as an adult daughter to be allowed to ask any question I wanted regarding the way my mother chose to parent me.  One insight came as I was reading about the author’s epiphany in a department store where she was on her last straw with her daughter during a shopping trip to get an 8th grade graduation dress for a daughter who never wore dresses.  Her epiphany was that she was playing a part in this story and kept reading the same lines over and over again.  Her daughter would read from the same script.  They both knew how this story would end.  Each would walk out of the store, angry and stone cold.  Each of them would continue this pattern until they got home, where each of them would not have a good evening because of this silent treatment.  But what would happen if she changed the script?  What would happen if she changed the story?  She decided to grab her daughter’s arm and say: “hey let’s go watch a movie and grab some popcorn!”  The story changed, and the daughter responded with a hesistant yes.

So my question to my mother was:  Did you ever think we scripted?  Her response: No because I made an effort not to do that. I wanted you to know that I wanted to know you.  My mother asked me the same questions every day after I came home from school. I never wanted to do that to you.  I never wanted to get into a pattern where you would think I didn’t care.

My mother will be the first to tell you that she was and is not perfect, but I am so thankful for her and most thankful that she didn’t script with me.

So here’s a question for you:

Are there questions or conversations that you tend to “read” over and over again into the lives of girls that God has placed in your life? Too much repetition in the same exact form will only fall on deaf ears.  Learn how to look at your “messages” and conversations to find fresh ways to say some of the same things.  “You are loved” is a good statement for your girls to hear.  It can be communicated in fresh ways so they hear it continually in different ways. Mix it up…and see what happens.

Another question: Is there a girl you know who is “reading”  from a lifescript that is causing her life to spiral into a story that is going in a direction that is not going to end well? How can you help her to “read from a different script”?

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Tips to help you interact with girls in the girl world bubble.

I was reading an online article from Reader’s Digest that looks at the differences of teaching girls and boys.  The article utilizes the experience of of David Chadwell, who serves as a coordinator of single gender education in South Carolina.  In summary, one of the statements made discusses how girls  “interpret speaking in a loud tone as yelling and anger, which can cause them to shut down. Stressful environments make girls feel nervous or anxious because stress sends their blood to their guts.”

There were other basic observations that were made, but I wanted to camp out here and talk about ways we can help the girls we lead be able to enter and learn in a non-stressful environment.

Seating in a circle. The article mentions having the girls sit in a circle.  A circle is very inclusive to a girl. It’s a way to  say non-verbally, “We’re intentional about you belonging” and “You’re going to be a part of this gathering”.

Music playing in the background.  If you have an iphone or a computer that can stream pandora.com then that might be a good option for you to have playing as the girls are coming in.  One of our students pointed me to: a station of piano music called Dustin O’Halloran.

Food or a beverage served at the beginning of the group. When boys are omitted from the environment, girls will throw down some food. They may not be as willing to eat a bunch if they are not feeling confident but providing them with something to do or have in their hands will help them become more social and bring a level of calming to the room.  Even I feel a little more comfortable when I come into a room and see food or a beverage because I know immediately what is expected of me.  I’m expected to make myself at home and get social.

Icebreakers that have the leader asking questions of the group. Girls want to be known. They want to have an opportunity to have a voice. However, they try desperately to blend in first so they can take a moment and scan the group to see who they relate to best and who they want to be identified with.  So if you begin your small group by just jumping into the lesson without getting to hear the “voice” of each girl, you are actually slowing down community.  Sometimes a group is too big for you to “hear” each girl so if you can create an icebreaker that gets girls interacting with each other, it allows for girls to talk and be heard by some of the girls in the group.  It’s a safe way to create some interaction to help them determine how to comfortably relate to the group.

What are some tips you have regarding ministering to girl specific groups?

 

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How to be approachable…even when you’re walking your dog.

Last night I was walking my dog quickly to his “spot” and I saw two teenaged girls that I didn’t know walking back from their trek to the Sonic that is located near our neighborhood. I looked intently to see if they were girls that attended our church and also lived in my neighborhood but I didn’t recognize them.  However, I smiled and gave a nod as they were intersecting with the path of my dog and I.  They giggled at my dog Diesel and I then one stopped dead in her tracks to ask me, “Does this look weird with me holding two large drinks in my hands”?  She really wanted to know what I thought about her.  I told her, “Um no. It just looks like you’re thirsty.”  She laughed and relaxed as she rolled her eyes and said “I am—and I love Vanilla Coke!”  I waved and said something to let her know I’m glad.  As I went upstairs, I started thinking—why did that interaction happen.  I don’t even know those girls and yet, they are openly starting dialogue with me.  And then it hit me—-I think it’s because I saw them first and was acknowledging them.

It was such a little gesture but something in my body language made me appear open for conversation. I’ve been realizing that there are things I can do to create an atmosphere for an engaging conversation wherever I go.  I’ve also gotten into the habit of taking mental notes like a detective to determine social cues.  I’m going to share some of those with you and hopefully they will allow you to find yourself having random conversations with people that intersect with your path.

1. Look for shared experiences in the moment.

I was able to have a complete traveling group made of strangers because we were sitting on the tarmac for an obscene amount of time.  We were all frustrated but I chose to break the silence by asking a question regarding the time.  As a result, I made friends with 4 ladies sitting around me.

2. Create a door or a window that opens the “wall of silence”.

So you walk up to a group of girls and they stop talking. What’s your door? What’s your window that will get that group of girls open to talking with you?

Once I was sitting alone at a musical and a group of girls came sitting down by me.  After a few minutes I simply asked: “Excuse me I’m here to see one of the girls from our church in this musical, but I don’t know a thing about this play.  Can you help me know what this is all about?

3. Body language is saying a lot:

Make sure you are looking at people in the eyes as they pass you.  Smile at women and say hello.  It will amaze you at how little things like this make the unlikeliest people come and say something that will strike up a conversation.

What are some things you do to make yourself approachable?