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How Trying To Be the “Me” In Messiah Creates a “Mess” In Ministry

One of the joys of girls ministry is getting to be involved with girls of all ages and stages. And believe me, some weeks, I spend just as much time with girls ministry among the adults as I do among the students. And if I’m being really transparent, I see some of the same issues crop up in my own heart from time to time that look a lot like some of the issues I deal with across the board. Leaders, hear me: We are not inoculated from issues in Girl World just because we’ve graduated from high school. Sin lurks in the corners of your small group plans, your confidential prayer requests, and the secret conversations you have with your leaders in ministry. Gossip is one of the yummiest deceptions running rampant among our girls ministries…even among leaders. In addition, there is a temptation to take on the role of MESSIAH in the lives of the girls God has placed you among. And when you try to be the ME in MESSIAH you create a MESS in the ministry.

So how do we know we’re a gossip girl or have a MESSIAH complex? Today I’ll address the MESSIAH complex and later I’ll address the GOSSIP GIRL symptoms.

Here are symptoms:
1. One of the symptoms of a MESSIAH COMPLEX is a need to be involved in drama.
Have you begun to chase down “drama” among the girls or leaders you serve among just because you want to be involved in the redemption of that story?
A good friend of mine has correctly identified this as a need to be a PERPETUAL TRAGEDY SEEKER.
Do you live off the adrenaline of knowing and being involved with the recent “drama”?

There are people I know that somehow are intricately involved with every single story that comes through my office. And if they aren’t involved, they come to find out how they can be involved. I believe that what once started out with a innate desire to LOVE well, has been twisted to a ME mess. Instead of being concerned about the person or persons who are directly affected by whatever, the MESSIAH COMPLEX person now becomes concerned with consuming all parts of the story and oftentimes at the risk of not loving the individual well.

2. Another symptom of the MESSIAH COMPLEX is an inability to utilize boundaries.
This person oftentimes overcommits in an effort to be ALL THINGS TO ALL PEOPLE.
You are not omnipotent or omnipresent and so you can do this for only so long before you begin to drop the ball, disappoint a lot of people, and do a job half-hearted.

So how do these symptoms cause a MESS in ministry?
Innocent people get hurt when their story gets used a means to satisfy this need in volunteers and leaders.
Competition begins to take root among leaders and volunteers as it becomes a race to get to the center of the drama.
Instead of allowing Christ to be front and central to this story, this MESSIAH complex becomes unknowingly consumed with being the one who tries to redeem the story.

So what do we do about it?
1. Pray. Ask God to search your heart for any of those symptoms above. Without asking God to intervene, we run the risk trying to step in His shoes to take control of situations.

Proverbs 12:2 HCSB A person may think their own ways are right,
but the Lord weighs the heart.

2. Develop a confidential team of friends/mentors that tell you the truth when you ask questions similar to Galatians 1:10. My pastor always says, that the first person we lie to is our self. Make sure you have people in your life that will honestly let you know about these symptoms.

Galatians 1:10 HCSB For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God? Or am I striving to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a slave of Christ.

3. Take a period of sabbath from working in the student ministry. Ensure that you are taking short and possibly long periods of time away from the student ministry as allowed. Why? Well, when we step away from the drama, it is a reminder that ministry does not revolve around us. What?! That may come as a shock to some of us…but if you take moments throughout the week, year, and years to say—this is a time I will step away, you will be amazed at how refreshing it is for both you and the ministry. I am thankful that this year is a sabbatical year for me. That means that this year, at some point, I will be able to step away for about 5 weeks to spend time on soul care. I look forward to it, and at the same time I dread having to be away from the buzz of everything. I hate feeling left out. But when I do get away…it is so healthy and it is a reminder that the ministry is not my god. And when I return, I have found that my prayers and heart are focused where they need to be. Now, if you are not allowed the opportunity for that many weeks off, I would encourage you to begin with taking a sabbath day. Turn off your phone. Get away. Delegate. And spend time with your Savior. If you are a volunteer, talk with your girls minister or student staff and see if you can plan in advance for the new year, a time for a period of weeks for you to step away. It takes planning, but it always is a win/win when it is carried out.

I hope this is helpful as you seek to determine if there is any MESSSIAH complex symptoms residing with you.
Let me know if you have questions about this, or if you have noticed additional symptoms or ways to address this in your life and ministry.

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Treasure Map Your Heart…

treasure pic

I’ve found myself in conversations lately with some people who have found their dreams shatter all around them. They didn’t have the words for what they were experiencing, but they had nothing to grasp onto but God. As an outsider looking in, it was a reminder how so easily we replace God with other gods and make them them our treasures. So today, just as an introspective excercise: What would it look like if you made a treasure map of your heart? Is there anything that has been elevated to the place of God in your heart? Let’s bring our hearts before Him and allow Him to search it before us.

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#myeasterstory2013: A Social media retelling of Holy Week.

This week I began a Social Media conversation called #myeasterstory2013. I used this on my primary social media accounts: Twitter/Instagram/Facebook and used each day of Holy week as an opportunity to help others either reflect or discover the meaning behind Easter. I had some great opportunities to chat with people on facebook and also in real time as a result of coupling art depictions of Holy Week, alongside of Scripture, and personal ah ha moments I’ve had. I am going to post them all here, and hope that they can continue to be utilized as you reflect on Good Friday. It’s the best story you can tell, I hope you choose to tell it somehow/someway as you live your days.

girlsminister.com is hosting a social media retelling of Holy Week done by @amyjogirardier.

girlsminister.com is hosting a social media retelling of Holy Week done by @amyjogirardier.

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Biblical Girl Issues: Don’t get all Euodia on me! or Settle your Syntyche Self down!

Philippians 4:2-3 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, my true companion, help these women since they have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my co-workers, whose names are in the book of life.

This morning as I was coming in to get some coffee, I was talking with a woman whose granddaughter was sharing with her that she was enduring some “mean girling” at school. Her story continued about how the granddaughter ended her evening modeling for her family by praying for her frenemies before she went to bed. The Grandmother was elated that she had chosen to take these frenemies to Jesus in prayer despite all she had been through.

As I walked away, I couldn’t help but think of how many times I have talked with girls, and even girls my own age that have endured conflict, mean girling, or frenemy attacks.  Girls of all ages at some point in their lives experience girl specific conflict issues—Even in the church!!! And this is apparently something that went on even during the early church. Philippians 4:2-3 shares this interesting blip of a story that the Girls minister in me gets really frustrated with because I want to know the story. I want to know how the true companion truly entered into this situation and got Euodia and Syntyche to share the mind of Christ.

It got me thinking…as a girls minister, oftentimes I step into that role of true companion. It becomes my role to help two girls (whatever the age) navigate the minefield of a tense situation. Sometimes I am in need of a true companion to help me and another “girl” come to grips with a sticky situation. So wherever you find yourself…either as Euodia/Syntyche or a true companion, here are some guidelines to help bring Christ to the center of the conflict.

1. Prayer. Do no underestimate the power of and the priority of prayer in girl conflict. It’s often times the last thing we may want to do, but venting to God versus venting to the world is the first thing that needs to happen. In these moments my prayers often turn from, “God they are wrong..they hurt me…” to “God I need a heart change. Help me to love them. They are hurting…”

2.Identify the root issue.
Why are you truly in conflict? It generally can be boiled down to some key areas… TERRITORY BATTLES, PERSONALITY CLASH, MISCOMMUNICATION, JEALOUSY, PAINFUL CIRCUMSTANCES/EXPERIENCES THAT GET UNEXPECTEDLY EXPOSED, ETC. Why is this important to identify? Oftentimes, conflict can be diminished or be resolved when we take the “PERSONAL” out of the situation for a moment and see what is really at work in the battle. Satan loves to DISCOURAGE, DIVIDE, DESTROY, DISTRACT, and DECEIVE. I try to run the conflict through these filters to help me determine how Satan may be trying to attack the relationship/situation.

3. Go to the person directly. (As opposed to going to everyone BUT the person.)

In a time where we tend to use texting or even email to handle conflict, it’s so important to go to the person where there is no barrier to prevent communication from happening authentically, honestly, and in real-time. Face to face is the most valuable bandwidth we have as humans. In addition, often digital confrontation only adds layers of miscommunication that can be wiped away when a face-to-face happens.

4.  Proverbs 26:20 Without wood, fire goes out; without a gossip, conflict dies down.

One of the tendencies we have with conflict is to continue to “feed the fire”, whether in our own mind or to a crowd of onlookers. Resist the temptation, even in your own mind, to add wood to the fire of the situation.

5. Bring a “true companion” into the conversation

This True Companion mentioned in Philippians evidently is someone that Paul believes has the ability to bring Christ into the conversation and get these two women on the same page instead of having divided hearts towards each other. Sometimes if you are unable to bring Christ into the center of this thing, you need to bring in someone who can do that with you. So what does it mean to bring Christ into the situation? It’s not a Jesus Juke, or asking someone to Judge you. It’s asking someone whose heart is not being occupied with conflict to pray with the both of you and to help bring some resolution to the conflict.

6. PRAY SOME MORE.

I’m not naive. I know firsthand that conflict can sometimes clear up in a conversation, and other times it may linger for days/months/years. In those situations, continue to bring the person to Christ through prayer. I have seen what happens with a simple prayer like, “God..let Your Kingdom COME, and My Kingdom Go. Let your Will be done, and my will be undone.” The seeds of love begin to take root in unexpected places and the weeds of bitterness, hurt, pain, unfairness shrivel up and die from lack of watering. And sometimes…just sometimes…our Euodia’s or Syntyche’s become the sand paper that we needed in our lives that smooth off our rough edges.

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5 year anniversary: old post with new insights

5yrGirlsminister.com is celebrating it’s 5 year anniversary this month! To celebrate, we’ll be kicking out some of our earliest posts and also sprinkling in some new commentary that we’ve learned over our journey these last several years. It’s been a blast to get to meet people through the girlsminister.com network. (Shout out to Amy Pierson, who is now a dear friend that I met online. Who would’ve known that we would not only be fellow girls ministers, but we would get to journey together as new moms only weeks apart?!)

  I truly began this site as a resource and connection tool because I remembered my first day on the job and I didn’t have a girlsminister.com to go to.  I didn’t even have a list of girls ministers to reach out to!  So much has changed in my decade of serving as a girls minister and the biggest one is that THERE ARE GIRLS MINISTERS! The only big shift is, those girls ministers are reaching out and coming together to pray, resource, and encourage each other. There are now a host of other sites that are led by some of my personal friends. It’s great to have several places dedicated to helping those who minister to girls. I hope this little blog helps do that for someone out there. 

Well the first THROWBACK post is one of my earlier blogs.  It’s one of my “3 things you need to know” posts, and as I re-read it, I thought of those volunteers that are just getting plugged in to girls ministry and truly need to know these things.  For the veterans, I’m going to add one more bullet point. I’ll kick it out in this post and then you can jump to the link to re-read the 3 things I originally posted.  Thanks for reading and being on this journey of ministering to girls!

Original post: April 2009

3 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN MINISTERING TO GIRLS

I have a lot of lunches and coffees with adults who want to minister to teenaged girls. A lot of time, they haven’t thought through some important things before wanting to jump in. As a girls minister, I have to be protective of not only what curriculum comes through our doors into the lives of these girls but also who we are allowing to nurture, mentor and model Christ to these young ladies. As a result, I meet with each female leader that wants to be involved with the lives of girls. Here are 3 things I wish every person who wants to pour into girls lives would consider and think about before jumping in to serve:

1. What is my motivation to be involved with a teenaged girl or group of teenaged girls?

2. Am I willing to journey with a crockpot and leave the microwave?

3. Even Cyndi Lauper had to grow up—I know that “Girls just wanna have fun” but you will be having to model for teenaged girls not only how to have fun but what it looks like to be a Godly woman.

Click to read the whole article here

For the veterans, here is a thought I’ve had recently.  I’ve heard it said a lot about how “students need to be known”.  I think we’ve moved into an interesting time in social media that truly reveals how badly each person wants to be KNOWN.  As we minister to girls, it is going to be key to help them understand the difference between KNOWN and RENOWN. To be known, is to be “recognized, and familiar with”.  This speaks to our innate desire to be known by God.  We want to be known.  There is a switch though from wanting to be KNOWN…to wanting to be RENOWN.  Renown means famous.  I think we are living in a time where it’s not enough to be KNOWN…but there is a desire and push to be RENOWN. We have such outlets like social media that give students and really anyone, the impression that all it takes is just one TWEET or the perfect INSTAGRAM photo and VOILA…RENOWN.

So my addition to this article on the 3 things is to really challenge you as a girls minister to discover ways to help girls KNOW each other and push back against this RENOWN desire or entitlement push that is pervasive in our culture. Help girls celebrate community. Help girls understand that it’s only when their desire is to make HIM renown that they will experience that purpose they are pursuing.

Okay…that’s it for the new stuff.  Looking forward to continuing the conversation in 2013 with you!

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Thoughts. Don’t dwell on them.

Spiritual strongholds begin with a thought. One thought becomes a consideration. A consideration develops into an attitude, which leads then to action. Action repeated becomes a habit, and a habit establishes a “power base for the enemy,” that is, a stronghold.

Source: Discipline – The Glad Surrender, Revell, 1982

 

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Statigram: Your insta-slideshow for instagram

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So yesterday I shared with you the sketchy app called Snap Chat. Check out the article here.

Today I wanted to share a great site that has many uses for your instagram account and the instagram accounts in your student ministry. I’ll share one way we use it and how helpful it is. We have been sending students out to think of ways to use their instagram pics to express themselves for specific teaching series, or to document catalyst events and mission trips. Prior to the event we want students to capture, we will communicate a particular hashtag for them to attach to their photo when they upload it to instagram. For example, if you wanted your students to photo journal their mission trip to Uganda, you could tell them that whenever they upload pictures to use the hashtag #ugandatrip09.  Make it very unique so that you don’t pull in other people’s pictures that were not a part of your experience.   Next, after the event, you can then  log onto statigram.com and search for that hashtag AND voila—it pulls all of those photos. Even if you aren’t following each other! Then you can click the icon in the top left hand corner and do an instant slideshow. Imagine the possibilities! Enjoy!

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SNAP CHAT: Say cheese? or Say uh oh?

So the most recent social app your students may not be telling you about, is called Snap Chat.  Snap chat is a mobile app that allows the user to take a photo, set a timer of up to 10 seconds, scribble or put text on it, and send it to a friend or group of friends.  This app is catching on like wildfire.  You can imagine the wholesome entertainment this app fosters. (insert sarcasm)

Just check out how Snap chat promotes their app by the following picture.

It’s the perfect environment for “Sexting”.  In fact, check out this ad found on a college site that encourages the use of Snap Chat for sexting:

In an interview with Snap Chat’s CEO, he explained that sexting is not the motivation of the app.

According to Snapchat’s 22-year-old co-founder and CEO, Evan Spiegel, “it doesn’t actually make sense for sexting. Because you see the photo for, what, three seconds?”
Snapchat photos don’t last very long.

Regardless of the cavalier response of CEO Spiegel in regards to the transmission of photos this app is trafficking to it’s users phones, there are several reasons to be concerned with this app.  Snap chat arms immature minors (there are no age restrictions) with an easy way to send photos of themselves and others that could have long lasting consequences past the 1 to 10 second timer on the app.

This app allows you to send risky photos to friends or groups of friends, seemingly without the consequences of regret.  Or is there? Read the snap chat FAQ’s regarding saving images. Also note that the app doesn’t mention that persons can utilize third party devices like camera’s or another person’s phone to capture screenshots without the individual’s knowledge.

FAQ:

Is there any way to view an image after the time has expired?

No, snaps disappear after the timer runs out. You can save snaps that you capture by pressing the save button on the preview screen.

What if I take a screenshot?

Screenshots can be captured if you’re quick. The sender will be notified immediately.

Snap chat is currently sharing more than 10 million images a day.

Questions for students:

WHY SNAP CHAT? 

I’m having a hard time being convinced that there is a good reason to use Snap Chat. I usually can figure out some creative ways to “redeem” a piece of technology for good. I suppose you could take a picture of scripture and send it out to your friends for quick motivation and encouragement. Although they better read it quick or it will be gone in 10 seconds.  Or you could take a quick pic of your favorite “fish face” funny face and send it for a quick laugh…however—that’s not why this app is so popular.  It’s the self-destruct timer that makes this app so appealing.

If you have to put a self-destruct timer on your picture in order for you to want to send it to your friends, then you most likely don’t need to send it.

People have fun applying various “filters” to their pictures on instagram.  I would encourage students to apply some “filters” to this app.

FILTER 1: Would I send this photo if I knew it would survive past my time limit of 1-10 seconds?

FILTER 2: Does sending this photo encourage sexual thoughts in the mind of the receiver?

FILTER 3: Last but definitely not least, let’s make sure we apply the filter of scripture to the activities we are participating in.

 

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (ESV) For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor,

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

Philippians 4:8 (NLV) And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Hopefully this is helpful in equipping you to make a decision on if you or a student you know should participate in Snap chatting.

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GUARD YOUR HEART…

It’s been awhile since I’ve had a moment to write on girlsminister.com. I’ve been busy being a girlsminister, ironically, and haven’t had the chance to put my thoughts into posts. I’ve had several post ideas pop into my heart this week as I had conversation after conversation with students AND leaders. More so than any other summer, I’ve really observed how easily many of the girls in our ministry have given their hearts away. Whether they’ve given their hearts away to crush on a boy band, or to a college guy that led their small group this summer or they’ve given their hearts away to instagram and how many people like their “selfies”. As a result, the theme for this post could best be summarized into three words. GUARD YOUR HEART.

It’s a phrase from scripture that honestly I often heard tossed about by Christian girls to girls that just got dumped. In fact, I think I almost decked a girl once who dropped her advice of guarding my heart too soon after I got dumped in college. As I look back on that, I know she was right, but it was not the right timing. My heart had already been broken in two. It’s like saying to someone who just got robbed, “You should have locked the doors.” It wasn’t the right timing. They needed someone from the Neighborhood Watch to get to them before and let them know the things they could do before a robbery happened. That’s the intent of today’s post. It’s a sisterhood watch, so to speak, before the break in occurs.

Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Girls, your heart is your most valuable treasure to guard. Based on the above scripture, what you give your heart to, you will also follow with your whole life. Meaning, where your heart goes—-so go your dreams, your passions, your focus…the very direction that leads you from the now to the future. Your heart, in a sense, is a compass to where you headed.

If you want to get a glimpse of your future, take a look at what you’ve given your heart to and you may be able to see where you’re headed.

The picture here is that you are to guard your heart like a valuable item. Do not make it easy for people, places or things to gain access to your heart. You have a guard standing there at the only entrance into your heart, and you say to people, places and things—you may enter, or you can’t enter.

This is why it’s absurd for you to tell me that it doesn’t matter who you date,it only matters who you marry. This is why it’s absurd for you to tell me that you pursue a guy based on his body and not based on if he’s IN The Body [of Christ].

Whatever you give entrance to your heart—MATTERS! Guard your heart!

How? Glad you asked.
Philippians 4:7-10 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

Let me break it down for you.
1. “The peace of God guards hearts and minds”
You are not doing this in your own strength. In other words, when you have struggles with your thought life, pray to God to help guard against the things that are trying to get in. Don’t just give up and entertain the thoughts and feelings. Call attention to The Guard of your heart and mind. Shine light on those thoughts! Ask Him to kick those thoughts out and replace them with things that are worthy of Him.

2. “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, THINK ON THESE THINGS”
It’s not like you go on through your day not thinking and pursuing things with your heart. It’s just that you begin to “THINK ON” whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely…EXCELLENT.”
That means the way you think about guys. And I know you think your thoughts are private…but ladies those thoughts quickly move to action and that’s why you find yourself acting crazy at 1am in the morning with a goofy note that you are trying to send to a college leader.  Then it gets awkward because you’ve given your heart away and it’s out there for someone to simply break.
Is it pure to talk about guys like they are a piece of meat? no.
Is it lovely to to throw yourself at guys and pursue them? no.
Is it commendable to obsess over guys (even One Direction)? No (and a BIG NO)!
As you begin to invite Christ to “search your heart”, and to give you the desire to pursue the things of Christ—you’ll begin to see why treating guys like eye candy is anything but lovely. You’ll begin to see guys as your brothers in Christ. You’ll begin to see them as Christ sees them and treat them as valuable.

These were just some thoughts that have been on my heart. My heart aches for girls and women that give their hearts to guys and things instead of guarding their heart as the treasure it truly is. There is a war for our hearts ladies. Guard them!

Here’s just a few ways to help you guard your heart:
1. Find a group of friends that have the same mission of guarding their heart, and give them a list of heart security questions to ask you on a regular basis.

2. Start your day asking God to give you strength and wisdom regarding what you allow into the treasured heart you possess so that your life that day chases after the things of God and away from The thief of this world.

3. Read from God’s word daily to continue to thirst after the life God gives.

Take away: Just as you could not imagine hearing in the news that Fort Knox was giving it’s security guards the day off,  you yourself cannot walk through the places you live without guarding your heart day in and day out.  Do not trust someone else to guard your heart for you.  It’s your treasure to protect for life.