Posted on

One Direction and what to do with boy band obsessions

Have you recently heard the girls you work with talking about One Direction?  Have they whispered about it during Sunday School and you dismissed it thinking “what a great teacher I am. They must be talking about the only direction that matters…following Christ?!” Well you’ve been bamboozled if you thought that…they are talking about the newest boy band sensation.

Confession time:  if you think boy bands are powerless, you are mistaken.  I fell prey to their persuasive allure myself when I was in middle school.  Everyone of my friends had picked out a NOKTB to “love” and I too decided to align myself with one particular member.  I didn’t pick Jordan cuz everyone picked Jordan.  I didn’t pick Jonathan because he was not really a leader.  I didn’t pick Joey because I had the foresight to recognize that baby voice would be changing shortly and his powers of high pitchedness would be gone.  I didn’t pick Danny because well, can you blame me?  I was superficial.  I picked Donnie.

Now to be fair, I owe Donnie a lot.  He got me through the painful wall sit during the Presidential Fitness challenge.  Instead of thinking of the pain, I prayed for Donnie’s soul.  Why did I do this?  Because even as an 8th grader I knew we couldn’t be together unless he too were a Christian.  Now that’s spiritual maturity…or so I thought back then.  The thing is, I know first hand what it feels like to be under the power of a boy band.  It’s rough giving your loyalty to a group that has no idea who you are and will eventually begin to develop male pattern baldness and fall off the scene before you graduate from college.  And as a girls minister who has lived through a few boy bands that have risen and fallen, and watched what they do to the teen girls we work with, I felt like it was time to give some attention to this “One Direction” so you can seem knowledgeable when the topic arises.

Imagine my surprise when two guys named Rhett and Link whom I just discovered on youtube and jellytelly.com yesterday (thanks to my husband @dgirardier), decided to cover this topic on their morning webcast.  It’s just a humorous look at the 5 guys that make up the band, but it is informative if you’ve never heard of One Direction. 

QUICK TIP FROM GIRLSMINISTER.COM ON WHAT TO DO WITH BOY BAND OBSESSIONS:
One thing’s for certain…boy band obsessions are a reality. Just like Beiber Fever breaking out, you’ll have girls swooning over One Direction. If you do have a serious case of unreality setting in for a middle school girl who really aligns herself with one person in the band, you may need to help her play the movie forward and realize that the only direction she’ll be headed with this obsession is Dissapointmentville: population 1.

1. Begin to help her “tell a better story” with her life, than the one of obsessing over every detail of this boy band.
2. Do some dreaming with her about how she can make a difference right now with her life.
3. Partner her with a girl who is older than her and inoculated from the boy band virus. It may distract her long enough from her obsession to be mentored by a cool older girl who knows what she’s doing with her life.
4. Start an ongoing challenge with her called “no boy band trivia challenge”. If she provides you with boy band trivia, she has to do ____________. But if she makes it 48 hours without looking at, talking about, or listening to said boy band then she gets to do _________.
5. Memorize Colossians 3:2 together. Ask her what difference it would make to “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.”

Just some tips.

Posted on

Do As I Say, Not As I Pinterest

We live in an pinteresting time.  Okay sorry, I couldn’t resist.  With all the social sites around, including pinterest, we can literally share everything about our lives 24/7 and have immediate feedback.  There are many pro’s and con’s to this sort of social sharing, and while I’ve engaged in these sort of conversations before on this blog, my point is not to list these out today.  Today I just want to address the leaders who may be serving in our churches and are unaware of the discipleship impact they are having on students they invite to “follow” their lives online.  I don’t want to rant, but I just want to address all of us that work with students AND choose to have an online presence.  Just a question to think about today. When we post, pin, tweet, or update all parts of our lives, do we really think about who is looking at the overflow?  If you are working with students, you need to consider all areas of your life as areas that students are looking for Christ at work in.  When you show up in their lives on Sunday or Wednesday to open the Bible with them, you can’t erase what they’ve seen you open before them on pinterest, facebook, or twitter.  Whether you believe it or not, you are telling them what is important to you and approving it for them.  That’s why it’s important for you to have mentors and accountability partners to help you discern how to “share” your life and pursue things that are noble, praiseworthy, and excellent—even on pinterest, facebook, and twitter.

Proverbs 13:20 reads, “Whoever walks with
the wise becomes wise, but the companion
of fools suffers harm.”

I have been observing some pins on pinterest of people I know to have a heart for students, but as a girls minister I would not want their pins to be seen by girls in our student ministry.  I think we begin to start “pinning and posting” things that are less than noble, praiseworthy, and excellent when we lack wise companions.

So my questions to leaders today is this:
Who do you have that is investing wisdom in your life as you move along this life journey?

Who do you have that would challenge a pin, post or tweet?

My challenge today is this:

Take a moment and look back at the pins, posts, tweets, or statuses and ask yourself if these are interests or statements you would be proud to share with a bunch of students you are discipling.  Have you thought through how your sharing of these interests, hobbies, or thoughts could impact a person you are discipling?

It’s tough being a leader, especially in a world where you can’t just show up at church and share one aspect of your life with a group of students and then go home to block off your online life from them.  It’s all or nothing!  But it’s not just all or nothing with them is it?  I think when we get down to the bottom of the things we’re posting online, it can speak to what is going on in our souls as well.

Posted on

Being patient


I’ve been home a week now from the hospital since having Baby G added to the family.  One of the books that we read commented on how the mom should continue to wear the hospital tags as a reminder to herself and her family that she is still recovering and still a patient.  My husband encouraged me to do that this week, and we’ve had fun with it.  It’s actually been a reminder to me not to be some superwoman who tries to do everything.  For me, there were physical limitations that I truly am not able to do, and several times I or my husband would stop and remind me that I was still a patient. Through this experience,  I was thinking about our role as ministers to girls.  Sometimes these girls we love on look more adult than they really are.  We forget that they are still learning, growing, and needing specialized care during these formative years.  I have to stop and remind myself sometimes what it was to be that age, and then I have an AH HA moment that recalls the drama of girl friendships, or not getting asked to a dance, or etc etc.

So today I want you to pretend that each girl you minister to has a “hospital tag” on their wrist.  I want you to remember that you have been placed in their life to help them grow in Christlikeness.  The job you are doing is worth more than you know.  1 Timothy 4:8 says: while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

What are ways you can help the girls God has placed in your life to be trained in godliness?   If you have only been having “girl talks” with no intentional margin to bring God into the conversation, I urge you to begin to pray about how you can do just this with the girl or girls you know. Maybe you don’t even know where they are in their walk with Christ…FIND OUT.  Begin there.

From that point on, begin praying for the teen girl God has placed in your life and see what God is calling you to do in their life to help them grow into a healthy young woman who knows her identity and purpose in Christ first and foremost.

 

Posted on

Girls Retreat 2012: Whatever is true/ think on these things!

This weekend at Snowball (our girls retreat) we will be looking at Phil. 4:8-9 and what we should be thinking on.  So often we as girls/women allow the meditations of our hearts to be something other than “whatever is true, noble, praise worthy, excellent…” and there are consequences when we begin to let those meditations of our heart rule our mind and our actions.  When we put together the event for our girls, I always recruit the help of a team of girls and women to pull all the details together. Some of the girls wanted to use I AM statements that are based on scriptural truths they can think on throughout the weekend. These statements will be blown up and used as backdrops during our worship times.  I was so pleased with our communications team for making these for us, that I thought I could share them with you.  Here are the 9 statements we are using…Enjoy.  We will be tweeting updates from the weekend with the tag #Snowball2012 if you want to follow along.  If you think of us, say a prayer for all that will be going on.

i am capableI am valuableI am securei am a treasurei am freei am forgiveni am dearly lovedi am confident

Posted on

5 Ways To Help Wean Students From a Cell Phone Addiction

(originally published on Oct 2, 2009 but revised and updated on December 2, 2011)

I heard it said recently that cellphones have become the electronic pacifier of the 21st century. Wow! Yes…that is true.  We have students that cannot be without their cell phone. As a girls minister, we have seen this to be a problem not just for our teens but for our parents as well. Sometimes parents are the ones who are wanting their child to have a cell phone so that they can talk with them at an event.  We’ve seen unfortunate distractions happen because cell phones were carelessly used at an event by a student who couldn’t stay away from it. Ironically when boundaries are placed on using the cellphone at events or on mission trips, some students express thanks for the break of being “available 24-7”.  But there are other layers to this constant need for connection. We have become a society that cannot hit pause…not even in the car.  And literally we are seeing a collision occur when people put their need for cell phone connection and/or production above the safety of themselves and others  as people continue to maintain constant communication even while they are driving.   It’s becoming an addiction, although Texting Queen Emilee Cox might not say it’s an addiction with her 35,463 Texts In 30 Days.

<embed src="https://girlsminister.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/Texting-Queen-Emilee-Cox-35463-Texts-In-30-Days.mp4" autostart="false" width="350" height="320"

So what are we going to do about it? Here are a few of my ideas to help wean students from a cell phone addiction.
1. While on our mission experiences, we have told students they can’t have their cellphones except during certain breaks. To ensure that their cellphone is charged and checked in, we created these charging tubs. Their name is written in sharpie on a strip of duct tape, and using a dry erase marker, we can check in their phone after each break. We’ve had students thank us for doing this because it allowed them to truly be present when they needed to be present.

2. During small groups, have a “cell phone condo”—-A box that states: “Where Your Cell Phone Lives During small groups.” You could also just have a cell phone bucket placed in the middle of the room and have students place their cell phones in there during small groups.

3. Have your students fill out a cell phone covenant with you. It could look something like this:

I understand that it is possible to make my cell phone an idol or that it may become an addiction for me.  I understand that an “addiction is when we’re seeking to find something that only God can provide in something besides God Himself.” (as stated by Craig Groeschel, life church tv) In order to not let this take place in my life, I will agree to a cell phone sabbath where I make the choice to detach myself from my phone once a week.

I will seek to have a cell phone sabbath hour every day during the hours of_________ to ___________.

I will leave my phone outside of my bedroom each night so that I can truly rest and not get caught up in any activity or conversation I might find myself in late at night or early in the morning if it were accessible.

Please keep me accountable to this agreement and ask how I am doing on a regular basis.
I’ve posted another cellphone contract that you can get ideas from here: Cell Phone Contract 2

4. If you are a parent, you may want to consider getting an app that restricts texting while driving. Here are some options:

5. Let’s not forget that modeling cell phone habits is teaching our students and children much more than we may think. I had a student tell me she thought I was using my phone more than I should.  She challenged me to not use my phone for 24 hours and she would tell as many people she could about Jesus if I took the challenge. It was a win win for everyone.  I took the challenge, and I learned a little about my own cell phone habits. 🙂

I’m sure there are several other things we can do. What have you tried, tested, rejected, and celebrated regarding helping wean students from the cellphone addictive habits? Leave a comment or drop me a line at: girlsminister@gmail.com

Posted on

DIGITAL Boundaries: how they help in loving your teenaged daughter

Judges 17:6
This was before kings ruled Israel, so all the Israelites did whatever they thought was right .

(originally published on January 7, 2011. Reposted with extra links)

I was reading this passage today and recognized that for many of us, we know a “little princess” who lives this out on a day by day basis.  Just like the society that Judges was chronicling, girls that we know choose to live their lives doing whatever they want to do and labeling it as “RIGHT”.

So here are some basics you can do to help your daughter have healthy digital boundaries set by your family, so that there is not a temptation for your daughter to “do whatever they think is right” online.  You need to be having conversations about technology and tv instead of simply BANNING it.  When your student moves out of the house, they need to determine what their digital boundaries are. One of mine is that I don’t post on facebook walls past a certain hour.  So read on about some basics, and then work with your family to see what boundaries you need to have.  You are preparing them for the future with these conversations, because I guarantee that they are not thinking about how their digital presence is connected to their physical presence. So read on and see if any of these may work for you.

1. Stop believing the lie that if you set boundaries, they’ll just do whatever they want anyway. I know several families, mine included, that lovingly set boundaries because they know their teen has a prefrontal cortex that is not fully developed until they are 25.  We would think it’s absurd to let a baby or a toddler to decide what to do with their day, or where to go. Why do some people believe that teenagers should be different with having age specific boundaries?

Our middle school minister has triplets that are 1 and a precious little girl named Harper who is 3.  This past week, Mary Lindsey (our middle school minister’s wife and a good friend of mine) came with the whole clan to let them get some excercise and for her to get a couple of things done.  We each took a child and walked with them around the church.  There were several times when I noticed my particular triplet moving toward a place they didn’t need to be going or putting something in their mouth that didn’t need to be there. So I would tell them “no” and move them back into the boundaries they were allowed to run in. Just like toddlers need boundaries to grow healthy and even to know they are loved, teenagers need boundaries as well. Here are some that I have seen my parents and other families institute in their homes with great success.

1. Practice a no technology boundary at dinner. That time is family time and so you as much as your children, need to turn off technology and truly begin having conversations with each other.

2. Keep your computers in a family central area. Work with your daughter in creating this family space.

Explain that this computer family area not only encourages public accountability for her, but also for the rest of the family.

3. Work with your daughter to establish “cell phone check-in station” . When cellphones start coming into the life of your teenager, oftentimes they may find themselves tempted to say or do things with their phone that they shouldn’t be doing. These things typically happen late at night. Example: SEXTING, addictive night texting, One family I know picks an hour and checks in the phones of their children in the evening.  This policy is so their children are not alone with their cell phones having conversations in bed late at night with people they  would never let into their physical room at that late of an hour.

4. Agree with your student to set some facebook profile rules that work both ways.

As a parent,there are some rules you need to have for yourself as well as your daughter. For example,do not post on their wall every week and comment on all of their friends comments. The fact that they are letting you into their social network is great.  Do not abuse that.  Instead, work with them to agree on how you will interact with each other on facebook.  Use the private message feature. Help them understand that they do not need to put their cell phone on their page. There are so many conversations you need to have your daughter to agree  with how you interact with your her and how they interact with their social network world as well.

5. Bring prayer into their digital boundaries. Pray each day that they are being wise and seeking to make God known rather than being self-absorbed on faebook.  Message them a prayer each week through their facebook email or text them a prayer.  Help them to celebrate technology and not just condemning it.  Technology is not bad by itself, but when it is placed in our hands we can move it into a bad tool or a good tool.  Talk with your daughters about this concept as well.

Check out our other article with 5 specific ways to wean your teen off their cellphone

These are just a few thoughts that I have seen work with Digital boundaries in the home.  This is not exhaustive and they can always improve. Each family has different habits and personalities so we recognize that some of these boundaries may not work in your home but another will.  Please share below regarding some digital boundaries you may already use or have seen others use.


Posted on

Connection Algorithm For Helping Girls Belong

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a Connection Algorithm like Sheldon’s that would help you connect a girl to the student ministry or a girls lifegroup?
I remember the first day on the job as a girlsminister. Such an algorithm would have been very handy. It was our fall retreat! I was surrounded by cliques of girls and I couldn’t figure out how to get inside of one of those circles. They all seemed to be looking at me—the new girl—and sizing me up. Didn’t they realize I was an adult and the girls minister?! I think I thought there would be instant connection like there was when I worked summers at the large Christian camps. Just because I was camp staffer, I often had students come up and start talking with me about some pretty heavy things.  But, this was not how it was on my first day on the job.  There were some sweet people that tried to come over and introduce themselves but mostly it was cliques. My go to entry line was, “Hey do you guys know where I could get a soda?” and then when the conversation tanked, I’d say, “wow better go look for that soda.” Then on Sundays and Wednesdays there was the hallway that I renamed “The Gauntlet”. It was a horrible hallway because you had to walk down it to get into the sunday school room and lining every square inch of wallspace were groups of girls that weren’t talking to me but to each other. Very intimidating! I’m very thankful for the gauntlet and for that first fall retreat because it reminds me of what it feels like to be new in our student ministry.  It’s scary!
That’s why I worked with some leaders and girls over the years to have a algorithm of sorts or a strategy to receive new girls into our student ministry.  The idea is the 1-2-3 CLICK! method.  Now understand that we don’t just go around saying “hey new girl…this is how we’re going to get you connected in three clicks.” This is just something that I have used to explain to students or leaders to help them understand how to continue reaching out to new people that have been introduced to our student ministry.

Here’s the basic premise:
1. Meet  a girl who is unconnected and introduce her to her peer group.
2. Take her to coffee or introduce her to a peer or leader which will take her to coffee to get to know her.
3. Get her connected to a lifegroup of girls who have hung out with her or introduce her to a relationship building catalyst like our Snowball Girls Retreat.  AND CLICK! She’s in.

I have observed that typically after 3 intentional relationship connections from you the leader—to a healthy peer group—and then to a bonding event or small group with that healthy peer group, the student will click into a place they feel welcomed and known within your student ministry.

As we have grown through the years, it has become imperative to utilize volunteers like our Chris and Debbie who are not only lifegroup leaders on Wednesdays, but also are moms that have journeyed through our student ministry alongside their students. They are the faces on Sunday AM when we have girls walk up to the check-in table to get connected.  On Wednesdays we use our amazing ministry assistants Carol and Julia to connect girls to lifegroups and introduce them to a peer that will “show them the way” for the evening.
In addition to that, we have begun having a SOUP N STUDY  at my home on Tuesday evenings or a WAFFLES N THE WORD group that meets in homes on Sundays. Surprisingly many girls that would not walk into the big student group have shown up at my home to meet girls in a smaller context. That may be something you could add to your connection plan as well.
How do you get girls connected and help them feel safe, loved and known in your student ministry?

 

Posted on

Hacked. Dealing with The Dark Side


A couple of weeks ago, girlsminister.com experienced a hacker breaking into the site. Thankfully, I was in the site when the break-in occurred which allowed me to work with my IT guy, (also known as my husband) to regain control of my site. Thankfully when we got back into the site, we found that all of my content was still active. However, it had all been moved into the trash can. Most of my photos that accompany each article had been deleted, but we were able to save all the posts. Unfortunately, it has been a tedious clean-up job. I am thankful that we were able to save the site, but I wanted to inform you why some articles are missing pictures and appear broken. It was a weird feeling to have someone working behind the scenes to sabotage the site. It has been a reminder that in our ministry to girls and families, we are up against a much more dangerous hacker who regularly is setting up schemes and trying to hack his way into our everyday stories. So today, be on guard. When you least expect it—the deceiver shows up. Go to this article for ways that Satan tries to hack us and our ministry to girls and families: The Deceiver
As for us, we’ll keep updating and renovating the site until it’s back to it’s old self.

Posted on

losing the self in self-esteem

The following is a guest post I did for my pastor’s blog, “truthful conversations”. I’ve included the first part of the post here, and then if you want to read the rest, the link is provided. This is really something that I continue to battle against in girls ministry. What about you? Share your thoughts below.

As a girls minister, self-esteem and body image are areas I see girls and women struggle with on a regular basis. As I was preparing to write today’s post, I thought a lot about how the world chooses to battle those topics and how the church does. Unfortunately, if we’re not careful, we may be sounding a lot like the world when it comes to talking with our girls about their self-esteem and body image.

For example, the overwhelming way that I hear women talk with women about their value is to remind them that they are princesses, and girls and women eat it up! “Once upon a time…” Those words often cue girls of all ages to settle in for a fairy tale. Girls love a princess story! If you don’t believe me, just think back to all the news frenzy fascinated with the recent Royal wedding that just happened. It may seem like a logical step and even appropriate to discuss our spiritual heritage as daughters of the King, but unfortunately we have allowed our mentoring with girls and women to become bedazzled with tiara talk so much that we’re losing the story of who we are in Christ.

To read what it is that we NEED to be sharing with our girls regarding their self-esteem, Click here for the rest of the article.

Posted on

Why we’re doing a Soup n Study

Tomorrow night, I will be opening up my home to 6-12th grade girls and women leaders for a new thing we are calling a SOUP n STUDY. CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE FACEBOOK GROUP BRENTWOOD BAPTIST GIRLS AND QUALITY WOMEN:)
 The premise is simple: Come each week for a different soup, a different leader who will be teaching the bible study, and different collections of quality women and girls for a community group.

The reason is because after years of having successful small groups of girls, we’re finding some needs arising for the girls to “mix n’ match” with different women and girls of all ages. We’ve tried to do this at our catalyst events, and we’ve seen it happen best on mission trips, but there still has been a murmuring among our girls to “get to know other girls and leaders”. I couldn’t be more excited! It’s a pretty easy thing to put together really. Every week just assign someone to be responsible for bringing the soup. This week it’s me.
I’m doing my favorite comfort soup. Homemade Tomato Soup and grilled cheese triangles.
Then each week, put out an all call for quality women (background checked and spiritually healthy) in your church to come and hang out. I’ve made it clear that there’s no obligation to come every week, but this would be a great opportunity for them to come and get to know girls and let the girls get to know them. Then secure someone who will be leading the bible study for the week. We’ll see how this goes for September and October. I’ll keep you posted about things we’ve learned. Perhaps this is something your girls ministry has been needing, or perhaps you’ve been doing something like this, but need to incorporate small groups. One thing I know…I’m always learning and I’m open to trying new things. We’ll see how God uses our Soup n Study.

Here’s the recipe I’m using for tomorrow. The picture above is what it looks like in the beginning. I got up early this morning to put it in the crockpot for a trial run. My kitchen smells AH-MAZING currently. Can’t wait to try it out tonight.

Fresh Tomato Soup (Crockpot) Recipe submitted by: CDK Recipe Exchange Jenifer Milton jenifersrecipes
yields 4
8 medium tomatoes
1 medium onion — chopped
2 carrots — peeled and thinly sliced
1 garlic clove — crushed
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
3 cups chicken broth or bouillon

Drop tomatoes in a pan of boiling water for 15 to 20 seconds; immediately rinse with cold water. Remove skins. Cut in half crosswise; squeeze out and discard seeds.

Combine in slow-cooker with onions, carrots, garlic, brown sugar, basil, parsley, worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper and broth (or bouillon). Cover and cook on LOW 5 to 6 hours or until vegetables are very soft. Puree in blender or food processor fitted with metal blade. Serve in individual bowls.